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December 21, 2009


Internal Monologue Required Contest #1.5

11. I cannot believe he talked me out of wearing a condom last night. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
- jessicaligula
10. I CAN look straight, I know I can, it's mind over matter, this part is perfect for me, it will make me a star. Why is that cameraman looking at me? God he's cute! NO! Wait! I CAN look straight...
9. I'm smiling because I know something you don't...my sexual re-assignment surgery is almost complete...yup, 3 months ago I didn't have a penis...hey where you going?
8. Who says JC Penney can't make a good Ed Hardy knock-off? I just know I'll finally make some friends at school wearing this beauty.
7. Can we just hurry up? Pablo is waiting for me at the Mine Shaft.
6. Oh, Gary- I love it when you rub behind my ear.
Rub harder- yes, YES!
5. Touching my carbuncle gives me a woody! I kid you not!
4. Shit. This sweater looks like a cheap calendar from a suburban Chinese restaurant - and I look like their fucking delivery boy. On top of that, someone wore it before me and had head lice. I don't know if I can hold this dumb ass smile much longer. After I get paid, I'm mailing the money to Mom and hanging myself. Once this photo's out, my life is over anyway.
3. If this guy to my left doesn't stop caressing my neck, it's go time...And by go time I mean gay sex.
2. I know you adore me, you sneer out of jealousy. Hmmm, who should I let talk to me at the gym today?
1. Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful. Now if I could just do something about this head lice and the fact that this shirt is about to get me pummeled and my hair hurts when I fart...
-Gerhardquffaw (you had me at my hair hurts when I fart)