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May 09, 2011

In which the author demonstrates his proficiency in erotica.

If you want, you can start at the start with the starting entry Bad at Foreshadowing.

Sam dashed up the stairs to the queen's bedroom door. He thrust his fists against the door and pounded again and again until at last it heaved open with a sigh. There on the bed was Katrina, the sultry maid with the heaving bosoms. Her maid outfit lay on the floor and her bosoms remained heavless for the time being. She reclined in the bed, dressed only in a potato sack.

"Well," said Sam, "Fancy seeing you here."

"You as well," she replied. "You caught me at the right time I was feeling a little...needy in my nethers," she continued while circling the area in question with a black magic marker, suggestively.

Sam unbuttoned his pants and freed his trouser snake with a *BOING*. He ripped off his shirt and exposed a chest so hairy it was often mistaken for a sweater. Then he strode to the bed and, taking Katrina in his arms, he opened his mouth and released unto her a bunch of kissing. They even kissed with tongue.

"Oh shnooky wookums," Katrina moaned.

When she was all good and kissed out, Sam grasped the potato sack and tried to rip it in half but it was too strong. So he got off the bed and went hunting for a pair of scissors or something sharp to cut it with. He found some scissors on the desk but by the time he came back Katrina had removed the potato sack herself so Sam went and put the scissors back where he found them.

They resumed with the good touching until finally they proceeded to do it, if you know what I mean. He inserted his man thing into her lady bits and they sexed real good. He even got to, like, third base with her boobies. It was totally awesome!

When they finished bumping uglies they both lay in bed, panting.

"That was wonderful," she breathed, because it was.

"I know," he replied, because he knew.

"Make sex to me again," she moaned.

"No," he replied, "I can only do it once a day, I get very tired. Plus I have to find that secret passage that leads to the city of gold."