Despot Cafe mag cover


General Daniel Velasquez is a ruthless, conniving, vicious man. His words. Honestly, he made us type those words. And you always want to do as he says. He once invaded another country because its flag was prettier than his.

Andreas met up with this former dictator for drinks. In between threats to slice Andreas’ neck, he proudly showed him pictures of his pet piranhas (Uday and Qusay), and opened up about old war wounds (he’s been stabbed, beaten, shot at, but those scars pale — he’s quite tanned — when compared to the emotional wounds he suffered when he was forced into exile a few years ago).

He’s killed thousands of innocents. He’s forced himself on dozens of wives and their lovers. Now he’s in studio for 8 minutes of blatant self-promotion to talk about his magazine going global. Listen to the interview here at and begin your brainwashing for a glorious new future.