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Published August 05, 2014

Because waiting around for a return to any semblance of normalcy is lame!


1. Go to the beach. Staying indoors isn’t doing your social life any favors, and getting a tan doesn’t cost a dime. Sun time is fun time.

2. Find Sascha. She went out to play this morning. Where could she have gotten to?

3. Find a new digging spot. If you find that you’ve been sifting through the same pile of rubble, why not mix it up? Variety is the spice of life–pepper it up on the other side of your home!

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It’s like Legos if Legos were created via genocidal rage.

4. Dance for money so you can pay for your family to get to safety. What’s better than free? Earning some cash! And you’re going to need it, because hiring a man who won’t sexually assault your wife as he brings her to Iran isn’t cheap.

Song suggestions: “Poker Face” by Lady Gaga, “Pompeii” by Bastille, and “Born in the USA” by the Boss himself, Bruce Springsteen.

5. Read a book in the park. Time to catch up on that summer reading list–or your winter reading list for you procrastinators out there!

6. Sascha? Can you hear me? It’s Papa.

7. Learn to sew. Lots of libraries and yarn stores offer free intro classes. Those places might not exist anymore, but being able to make inexpensive yet thoughtful gifts is a fun option worth exploring at least some day.

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Cool hat!

8. Berate UN workers. Because it’s what they’re there for. They certainly don’t seem to be much good for anything else.

9. Look at a clock. Maybe the ceasefire will last longer than 72 hours? Maybe only a few minutes more? Has your god heard your prayers? It’s always time to “clock n roll” when you’ve got a clock.

10. Organize a scavenger hunt. Be creative! A CD that’s your guilty pleasure, a cookie that looks like a heart, untainted drinking water–whatever it is, keep it fresh and keep it fun!

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Nice try, but I don’t remember putting “scowl” on the list of things to find.

11. Sascha…oh, Sascha. Why did I let you go to school? You should’ve been at home, safe with your grandmother and I. Please, Sascha, please wake up.

12. Handball. All you need is a ball and a wall! Great for two or four people–or go solo for an extra challenge.

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