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September 30, 2016

After a week of speculation as to who was behind Trump's disastrous debate tactics, Denver the Guilty Dog finally comes forward.

By now, it’s been established that presidential hopeful, Donald Trump lied numerous times during Monday night’s debates. And thanks to Hillary Clinton’s fact checkers and the good people over at Politico Magazine, we know which things he lied about.

What we didn’t know was who was behind all these lies. But as of today, Youtube star and Yellow Labrador Retriever, Denver has officially come forward as the guilty culprit. Denver attests that she was the one that approved and provided Donald Trump’s notes and preparation materials for the historical debate, taking full responsibility for her actions. Masey, the elderly Golden Retriever and companion to Denver, is said to have “let it happen.”

Masey remains indifferent.

Denver the dog apparently advised Trump to say “wrong” the number of times he did and to deny he supported the United States invasion in Iraq. Asked if she regretted these things, Denver just looked down and wagged her tail nervously.

Denver, unable to answer whether she regrets her advisements.

Denver, who has been terminated after only one week on the job as Trump’s advisor, has been in hot water before. She famously got into the “kitty cat treats” in the past which we see as a minor infraction in comparison to the outright lies she had Trump recite to the American people that trust him.

When asked why she would go to such lengths to make Trump look so outrageously careless and stupid in front of the entire nation, Denver refused to make eye contact and bared her teeth, licking her lips.

Denver, barely keeping it together in her shame.

Donald Trump and the rest of the country can rest easy today because Denver is in her kennel now feeling really bad about it.

Denver, relieved to be out of the hot seat, retires to her kennel.