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July 09, 2013

Egypt’s Morsi Out, Shitty Military Government In

Protest in Cairo

CAIRO, EGYPT (Chafed News) -  After several days of protests across Egypt, the top military commander announced on television that the Egyptian President, Mohamed Morsi had “failed to meet the demands of the Egyptian people,” and thusly was removed from his position as president.  The news of Morsi’s removal was greeted with widespread celebration across the beleaguered country.  “Man, do we know how to protest, or what?!”  Exclaimed Ali Saad, a 23-year-old protester turned reveler after hearing the news of Morsi’s removal from office.  “Other countries think they know how to protest but we (Egyptians) really know how to protest the shit outta something!  Man, I’m proud to be an Egyptian today!”

As the celebration rages on, some Egyptians are considering what Morsi’s removal from office means for the beleaguered country.  Doctor Omar Abdel Fazeer, professor of political science at Cairo State University, says while the removal of Morsi is “good,” Egypt still faces numerous obstacles moving forward.  “I’m happy that goofy prick has been removed from office, really I am,” said Professor Fazeer via telephone.  “The problem is, Egypt is like a totally fucked up place.”  Professor Fazeer went on to say: “You see, our economy is shit.  Our politicians are shit.  Our military is shit.  Everything is shit.  As a country we are up to our eyeballs in shit!  And complicating all this is that the only people willing to step up and run this damn place are goofy prick bastards.  Really, I hate to say it but Egypt as a country is fucked and will remain fucked for the next foreseeable future.  That’s my professional opinion.”

Mass celebrations are likely to continue for several days throughout Egypt, at which time the now in place military government is projected to turn the water cannons on the people;  signaling the end to the people’s celebration.


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