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April 29, 2015

New Study: Attractive Men Have Harder Time Getting Hired. Jealous, Ugly Men Don't Feel Bad About It


Attractive men have a lot going for them. Big arm muscles, rock-hard abs, good haircuts, and tight T-shirts to name a few. But according to a small study in the May edition of Organizational and Human Decision Processes, hunks applying for jobs might be at a disadvantage in many competitive career fields. Apparently they are seen as threats in work environments such as car dealerships, where individual success usually decides evaluations and rewards.

It’s always tough to feel bad for beautiful people. They get invited to everyone’s parties, they always get asked to be in pictures, and we can only assume that their sex is wilder and more fantastic than anything you or I could even imagine. So how are the uggo’s of the world reacting to the news that beautiful men everywhere are being discriminated against? I checked in with some of the ugliest men I know to get their reactions (faces blurred to spare readers the ugliness).


Jake Rentzen, Ugly Man All Around

“Oh, all the attractive men can’t get jobs? I feel SO sorry for them. I guess they’ll have to just be happy with getting laid all the time!”


Dave Terts, Bad Looking Face And Body

“I’ve always felt that society puts too much stock in looks. Who cares what someone looks like, it’s what they do to better society that counts. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to get back to work … Where do I work? I work at Enron. What’s that? You thought Enron didn’t exist anymore? Well it does, it’s just underground and it’s secretly the reason that you pay so much in taxes. Just because I’m ugly doesn’t mean I can’t be a selfish prick. Welp, anyway, I’m finished with my sandwich so I better get out of here.”


Jerry Makalovic, Just Bleh

“I don’t feel bad for attractive men at all. I was a virgin until I turned 32 because women never found me attractive. Do you have any idea how humiliating that was? I got a whole bunch of jobs, though. In fact I have three right now and [checks watch] I’m late for all of them! Outta my waaaaaaaaay!”


Timothy Dip, Looks Gross

“Attractive people have looked down at me my whole life so I don’t feel bad if they don’t get a job here or there. What I do feel bad about is the mistreatment of animals in the food industry. Do you have any idea the suffering that occurred just to make that hot dog you’re eating? The way they make hot dogs starts with torturing a pig and moves on to—” [interview ends]


Denny Dingle, Has Such An Unpleasant Look To Him

“Well, I’m not only ugly but I’m also not smart, which is kind of a double whammy. My silly name only compounds the problem. I guess I’ve had trouble navigating my way through life and I don’t wish any of my poor luck on anyone else, attractive or otherwise. What would that help? Except Ryan Reynolds. People think he’s attractive right? Fuck that guy.