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March 30, 2010


If you watch ESPN, you'll know that Oklahoma  had their Pro Day.  It's when NFL teams send scouts to a college to showcase the players available or the upcoming draft.  Oklahoma has several players going pro, but everyone was there to see the 2008 Heisman Trophy winner, Sam Bradford.

A lot was on the line for Bradford.  This is the guy who might have been the first player taken in last year's draft, but he decided he wanted to come back to school.  Sam said he wanted to come back and win a championship.  Translation:  Sam Bradford, Heisman Trophy winning Quarterback, wanted to see how much more pussy he could get now, as opposed to when he was known primarily as the Oklahoma QB who looks a lot like a monkey.

Sam decided that young Oklahoma ass was worth more than the $41 million guaranteed he would have received from Detroit as the top pick.  That money instead went to Matthew Stafford, who instantly became the richest man in Detroit.  The second richest person in Detroit is actually a tie between the other 1,027,973 residents with $0.  He'd have to wait for NFL ass.

Sam's sexual quest hit a snag when Oklahoma Forward Blake Griffin became the face of College Basketball, and the new big thing on the Oklahoma campus.  Griffin had a lot going for him.  He was extremely talented.  He came from a bi-racial family that blessed him with the athleticism of a black man and the skin color of a white.  The black girls viewed his athleticism as a sure fire meal ticket, and the white girls felt he was, "just white enough".  They all wanted to fuck.  Griffin's rise to power couldn't have happened in a better political climate.  America was still aglow from the election of Barack Obama, our nations first bi-racial President.  While Obama was breaking down the political barriers, Griffin was breaking down the sexual barrier.  It was a perfect storm.  

To make matters even  worse for Sam Bradford, Blake Griffin had an brother Taylor, who was also on the Oklahoma Basketball team, and the two were basically identical.  The girls of Oklahoma, having never seen a Oklahoma Basketball game, could rarely tell the two apart.
Let's just say a lot of girls were tricked into sex Taylor Griffin.  Others, the sluttier ones,  were simply willing to settle with Blake Grffin's brother, either way, it meant less ass for Sam Bradford.  The good news was both Griffin's would be gone to the NBA in a few months.  With these two out of the picture and another football season right around the corner, Sam was primed for the kind of sex he hoped he would be seeing after he turned his back on the NFL.

The 2009 season opener against BYU was going to be for Bradford what Thelma and Lousie was for a young Brad Pitt; The turning point of his sexual life.  Things would never be the same again.  He would be getting the kind of ass all those good looking Quarterbacks get.  That was his last thought as a shockingly slow BYU Linebacker hit Bradford, and planted his throwing shoulder into the turf.  Bradford's first thought was, "Shit, that's my fingering arm."  Then the truth set in, "I'm hurt.  I'm going to need surgery.  Guy's in slings never get pussy.  They don't finger."  The dream was over.

Can you now see why this Pro Day is so important to Bradford?  His monkey looks kept him from elite Quarterback Ass.  The Griffin twins kept him from his Heisman Trophy Ass.  Tim Tebow and a mormon LB, two people who don't even have sex, kept Sam from his shot at BCS Championship Ass.  All he has left is 1st pick in the NFL Draft Ass.  This was the most important day of Sam Bradford's life.     

Sam Bradford showed up at Pro day  with 15 lbs of added muscle, to better withstand the hits of the NFL.  He showed up with a newly reworked shoulder that make 20 yard out routes and fingering easier than ever.  He threw all day, and not one pass hit the turf.  One NFL executive called Sam's, "The best workout I've ever seen."  They compared him to Troy Aikman, and Troy Aikman fucked Sandra Bullock in her prime!  On this day, Sam threw like he wanted to fuck Sandra Bullock, and with news of her divorce on the same day, that actually could happen.  It's the perfect storm.


Not since Odysseus has one man struggled through so many obstacles just to get laid, but Sam has fought his way back to the brink of some of the greatest pussy known to man, NFL Quarterback Pussy.  After his Pro Day, he might be the 1st pick in the NFL draft, and he won't even have to live in Detroit, so I guess in the long run it all worked out for the better.  Go get 'em, Sam.