KNOXVILLE, TN. – On the heels of the recent incident that took a Pi Kappa Alpha member to the University of Tennessee Medical center for alcohol poisoning related to butt chugging, another UT fraternity, Mu Omicron Sigma, has been suspended after a campus investigation revealed a culture of bizarre hazing. Members of Mu Omicron Sigma, an organization founded for gay, bisexual and progressive men, were astonished at the decision. “Sure we do activities like Andrew Lloyd Webber-a-thon and jeggings raids at the sorority houses, but they’re all in good fun," said chapter president Tyler Gregory.
But two Mu Omicron Sigma pledges, speaking on the condition of anonymity, say not everything is fun and games. “The active members claimed we’re too nelly, so a few Sundays ago the entire pledge class was sent to the basement for three hours with nothing but a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken and NASCAR on TV. They were upstairs enjoying the Emmys and a selection of artisanal cheeses," said one pledge who also had to dress in his straight-guy-Sundays uniform. “Do you know how humiliating it is to walk across campus in pleated Dockers, an Izod golf shirt, and Crocs?”
Most fascinating, many of the fraternity’s activities have strong ties to the television series Sex and the City. Says Gregory, “our chapter was founded in 2001 and the original members were rightly influenced by the show. Every Valentine’s Day, we road trip to Nelsonville, Ohio and place the February issue of Vogue on the steps of (series star) Sarah Jessica Parker’s childhood home.”
The HBO show also seeps into the organization’s treatment of its newest members. Every pledge is required to be in possession of a seasonally appropriate Manolo Blahnik shoe at all times on campus or face demerits. Another ritual involves each pledge holding a burning match and having to recite the “you have to forgive me” monologue Carrie delivers to Aiden in season four, episode seven, before extinguishing it. “I can see why Pi Kappa Alpha got in trouble, but the stuff we’re doing is totally fun and based off tradition. Not to mention, we raised $2000 during our Mr. Big Man on Campus philanthropy and donated it to Pashminas for Pomeranians," says Gregory. “Dean (of Students) Anderson is being such a Charlotte.”
Like the Pi Kappa Alpha brothers across the quad, alcohol also plays a role in Mu Omicron Sigma activities according to the pledges. “We had to learn how to mix a cosmopolitan martini so it was the perfect color. And if it wasn't the right shade of pink, we had to start over. Only we weren't allowed to call it pink, but had to refer to the hue on a scale of blush to bashful a la Steele Magnolias."
The university released a statement Tuesday saying that the fraternity has been suspended for 30 days, pending a formal hearing. “What we do is nothing compared to all the crap Pi Kappa Alpha is in,” declares Gregory. “I mean, inserting a rubber hose into someone’s butt? That is totes gay.”