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March 13, 2016
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Poor social skills get worse for funny people. Things won't get better for some time.

From The Comedy Cellar in NYC to The Comedy Store in LA American stand-up comics are unable to look each other in the eye due to their unofficial support for Republican Presidential Candidate Donald J. Trump. This may take many non-comics by surprise due to the numerous verbal jabs, jibes, and jokes at Mr. Trump’s expense. However, funny men and women are voting with their wallets.

“My next comedy special depends on Trump winning it all,” explained one comedian who headed their own television series and only agreed to talk anonymously. “I have thirty minutes dedicated Trump’s hair. The show is only an hour long! Trump not winning means that I have to talk about my crippling depression and that material is stale.”

The amount of social awkwardness between comics has always been high, report experts who closely watch the stand-up scene. Eye contact is typically fleeting or held in the manner of some sort of psychopathic staring contest. Conversations are usually restricted to whatever premise the funny people are desperately trying to find taglines to, and the expression of real human emotions are a rarity. With the advent of Donald Trump becoming a real contender for the Presidency things have gotten much worse.

“What’s the big deal? We survived Reagan and W.,” explained one comedy veteran. “These new people need to realize how bad things were back in the day. They don’t know real life stories like Reagan joking on live radio that the US was going to start bombing the Soviet Union in five minutes. I voted for the guy twice and I sleep like a baby.”

However, there are comics who legitimately like Donald Trump and are voting for the man out of admiration for his policies on racism, socio-economic disparity among Americans, and keeping the gays down – but not in a sexy way or anything like that.

Meanwhile, fans of stand-ups haven’t noticed too much of a difference. Comics arrive at the show do their sets and then try to sell poorly manufactured swag at the meet and greets afterwards. It is generally accepted among comics that they can interact with their fans fairly easily because, well, there is money involved and as long as there is money trading hands sincerity is easier to fake.

There are comedians who are hedging their bets and loading up on Ted Cruz jokes and bits.

“Ted Cruz being President is a Godsend,” joked one old-timer. “I just have to take all of my Ayatollah Khomeini jokes from 1979 and change the name to Ted Cruz.”

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