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Published January 21, 2013 More Info »
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Published January 21, 2013

 

Someone not very wise (however, in this particular instance, was wise) once told me that I shouldn’t get so protective of my ideas. He (or she) said that ideas should be shared. He (or she) said that if someone takes your idea and claims it as their own you should feel flattered, not so angry you rip your shirt off.

I have had a lot of good ideas. A LOT. I get good ideas almost every single day. Yesterday I had a good idea about how to make money in Los Angeles (selling my eggs and/or organs), the day before that I came up with two new phrases that are going to really catch on in a big way (“Barf Bag Ripper” or “Wacky Bat Nuts”), and a few weeks ago I come up with an idea for a new situational comedic television program (‘Hen House’, about four middle-aged co-dependent roommates who haven’t managed to ‘fly the coop’. Get it?).

Great ideas just come to me. I guess you could say it’s similar to the way some people have birds flock to them, when they are holding a bag of birdseed. I am the person, the ideas are the birds flocking to me, and the birdseed is my genius.

That not very wise person (who, in this one particular instance, was wise) said that if you have good ideas, you will definitely have more good ideas. He (or she) then said that people who steal ideas have no choice but to steal ideas – because they have no good ideas of their own. He (or she) then said, “You should feel sorry for them, because they are just floundering through life, like a flounder.”

That really got me thinking. First, I thought about flatfish species of the North Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. Then I got thinking about water and how hydrating it can be. Then I got thinking about how water is just there, unless you’re in the desert. Then I got thinking about how my ideas bank has been a little bit dry. Then I got protective of all my great ideas again.

Then I remembered how I had this great idea to buy my dad a sweater for Christmas and how I told my sister that I was going to buy my dad a sweater for Christmas. Then I remembered how my sister went ahead and bought my dad a sweater anyway. Then I remembered how on Christmas morning she handed my dad the navy-blue box (from the Gap) and then looked over at me, like she had a bag of birdseed.

Then I ripped of my shirt, which was awkward because my entire family was there.

If I have learned anything from this not very wise person (who in this one singular instance, was wise) it’s that you should:

1. learn to share.

2. don’t stand too close to a Canadian goose, especially if you are holding a bag of birdseed.

3. drink at least 8 glasses of water a day.

4. wear a bra.

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