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June 08, 2016
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Everything comes to a head when Alex and Chad go on a two-on-one date. Who wins in this battle of good vs. evil? Hopefully, evil because he's so fun to watch!

Below is a recap from The Bachelorette episode from 6-7-16, Part 2 of Two Night episode. (Part 1 Here) Spoilers, obviously.

So a second night of crazy happened on ’The Bachelorette’. The show strung us along for two nights to see if Chad would murder someone. There was no murdering…yet. But a lot stupidity going on. Let’s get into it.

1. Chad Doesn’t Want to Have Issues

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“I’m not such a bad guy.” - Chad.

After Evan ratted Chad out to Chris Harrison, Harrison, useless as always, tells Chad he has to apologize to everyone. That should fix it. Psychopaths just need to apologize. Unsupervised by the way. Where did Harrison go?

Chad gives a forced apology that makes him sound like he’s from Planet What Are You Talking About? He says he doesn’t have issues with anyone and he thinks everything has been settled. He’d like to have a pretty cool time from here on out. Everyone is like Wahhhh? Especially Evan who we can’t trust because he is a tattle tale instigator.

2. Chad, Chad, Chad

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Chad is right. Everyone is talking about him. They are talking about him because he’s a scary asshole. But they are talking about him.

At the pool party, the dude herd risks sunburns to hang out with JoJo in her bikini. She has conversations with some of the guys about what else - Chad. Chad overhears one of the conversations between Derek and JoJo. He fills her in on the security guard that he requested because he is scared for his safety. Chad hears this and rationally explains that violence is not the answer and he apologizes for scaring anyone. JUST KIDDING. He’s a psycho and confronts Derek for talking about him by saying, “Look, whatever guy like me stole your girlfriend or whatever, it wasn’t me.” Which is a perfect example of the kind of asshole Chad is and Derek was ready to tell him that. Kind of impressed by Derek right now.

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Sausage Party!

3. Chad Gets a Rose

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Welcome back to the Chad show. Finally it’s time for the rose ceremony (seriously how long is this show?) So many dudes get roses! I could pick off six or seven of these guys right now to send home - Grant, Wells, Vinny, Canadian Vampire…go ahead and grab your bags, we can end this now.

It gets down to the final rose and it goes to CHAD. Because Chad is a great reality show character and deserves to be on for at least three or four more episodes.

4. Everyone Wants to Leave the Drama Behind

JoJo wants the drama to be over. The guys want the drama to be over. This is a really weird talking point that everyone is saying because it was suggested by a producer. Also, no. I’m only here for the drama, JoJo. Keep the drama. His name is Chad and he’s the best part of this show. Chad the Drama and the rest of the guys head to Pennsylvania to a resort in the woods where they can drive Jeeps.

5. Luke is a Romantic Date

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First of the outdoorsy dates goes to Luke. He and JoJo go dog sledding, chop wood and get into a wood fire hot tub. JoJo looks at him and says that feels like there’s a lot of things she doesn’t know about him. Probably, JoJo. You’ve had three conversations with dude. I knew more about him because of the chyron under his name.

Luke is kind of soft spoken and speaks in ASMR which lulls JoJo into a hypnotic state where she has to be made out with. Luckily Luke is down to make out. A lot. Even when they are on a stage in front of moderately successful recording artist Dan + Shay!

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S’up with all that fog? This place haunted?

6. There’s A Group Date With Football

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Oh. Ben Roethlisberger. Accused rapist. Is this irony?

I like football, but honestly two nights in a row of ‘The Bachelorette’ is too much. Let’s cruise through this. Football, pass, catch, tackle. You get it. They play a game and half the guys lose and the other half get to go make out with JoJo.

7. Evan Has Fifty Nose Bleeds

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Go home Evan. Even the blood in your nose keeps trying to leave.

8. Good vs Evil Two On One Date

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Chad and Alex are on the two on one date together. The herd in the house thinks this the battle of the century. It’s Good vs Evil. Big vs Small. Old vs Young. Douche vs Baby Face. Prick vs Stump.

They hike down some woods to an awkward blanket. JoJo chats with Alex and he tells her about how Chad was threatening to find Jordan after the show and kick his ass. At his house. When JoJo confronts Chad, he can’t deny it. He says he doesn’t know another way to handle it when someone won’t listen to him except to threaten violence. He’s just being honest. He doesn’t know another way! How is he supposed to figure out another way? How many ways are the to do things? Like two? He’s doing his best!

JoJo gives Alex the rose. She basically tells Chad he’s an asshole and it ain’t cool, which yes, good for her. Chad asks if he is being pranked. It can’t make sense to him that a girl would reject him. That anyone would reject anything about him. He spins the situation in his head and says that Alex lied and then threatens to fight him AGAIN! Then he goes on a rant about how fake JoJo is and says, “She’s either an actress or she’s a complete [bleep]” Oh what was the bleep?? C word? I’m thinking it’s the c word.

9. Chad Wanders the Forest

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“Life aint all blueberries and paper airplanes, you know what I mean?” - Chad

JoJo and Alex are long gone into make out forest but Chad is still wandering the forest looking like he’s trying to find a squirrel so he can bite off it’s head. He ends up at the bachelor house stroking the windows and scaring the dudes inside.


Ugh, two nights in a row and then there’s not a new episode this Monday? I have to wait two weeks? Does ABC think my schedule can be altered on the whim of their programming? At least there is more Chad to be had. He’s on the next episode to torment the guys and it looks like there’s LOTS of crying. See you then!

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