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10 Funny Votes
3 Die Votes
683 Views
Published July 19, 2012

 

My life would be a lot different if it were anything like porn.

If my life were like porn all my friends mom’s would be incredibly hot MILFs with giant tits. Moms that would tell me “Johnny wont be home for another two hours” and I would say, “But, Mrs. Johnson it’s not right,” and then her DD titties would end up in my face.

If my life were like porn I could get out of detention just by having sex with the teacher. But it wouldn’t be by choice, she would force me.

If my life were like porn, anytime I decided to spy on the hot girl taking a bath I would get caught, and my punishment would be to have sex with her or she’d tell everyone.

If my life were like porn I would never get a girl pregnant because all my semen would end up on a face or a pair of giant fake tits.

If my life were like porn being a gardner would be awesome.

If my life were like porn being a poolboy would be awesome.

If my life were like porn it’d be a lot easier to drive down the street, see two 18 year old girls hanging, convince them to get in my pick up truck, and bring them home and have sex with me.

If my life were like porn my wife would be in our mansion in just an apron waiting to please me as soon as I got home.

If my life were like porn I’d have no boundaries. Anything I say wouldn’t be taken offensively and further more would most likely lead to me getting laid.

If my life were like porn anytime I got caught masturbating the hot woman who caught me would be surprised at first and then ask if I needed any help.

If my life were like porn I would have huge arms covered in Tribal tattoos and probably have a fake British Accent.

If my life were like porn my Step Mom would have much bigger tits, and my Dad would be about 70 and my Step Mom would complain about how useless he is in bed, and then she would force me to have sex with her even though she’s in “love” with him.

If my life were like porn I’d probably never be on the internet.

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