Los Angeles, CA- Playboy founder and elderly lothario Hugh Hefner has been charged with the murder of seven playmates after posting a Twitter photo depicting him cheerfully giving the thumbs up behind several freshly-slain bodies.
While authorities are still piecing together the events that led up to Hefner's killing spree, an anonymous source who lives in the mansion claims witnessed everything.
"It started around 5:30pm as Hugh was preparing for bed" the anonymous source explains, "One of the girls asked him if he had ever heard of 'planking', and the next thing you know, he was being helped onto the table so he could have his picture taken.
Disaster struck when a playmate, who was unaware Hefner was participating in the internet craze, walked into the room, mistook Hugh's stiff body for being deceased, and allegedly screamed "Finally! Who got the Grotto?"
According to the source, things escalated after the playmate fake-apologized by saying "I'm sorry I thought you were dead, but no one has seen you that hard in years." The the room erupted with laughter, while the dejected geriatric icon shuffled upstairs and locked himself in his bedroom.
Hefner allegedly sulked for about an hour before coming out to exact his revenge. "Nobody thought twice when he started passing out wet, unwrapped Werther's Originals" the source claims, "it’s actually happens pretty often." Minutes later Hefner returned to his room and tweeted “Let's hope antifreeze still kills female dogs.”
While the message clearly indicates the playmates were poisoned, authorities are still waiting on autopsy results before declaring an official cause of death. 39 year old mortician Michael Glasser, who will be responsible for thoroughly examining the vixen victims, calls the massacre “easily the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”