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January 22, 2010


So...a hundred years ago when I was single, footloose and fancy free...I used to occassionally treat myself to a delctable box of chocolate covered blueberries from Starbucks.  Super Yum.  Even the memory makes me sigh..."aaaaaaaaah....mmmmmmmmmmm.....aaaaaaaaaahh"  You get the gist.
As far as I know, at least in Canada, Starbucks does not sell these, mmmm-aaaaaaah-mmmmmms any more.  Fine.  Fuck you, too Starbucks.  Anyway...I see this display of Lindt chocolate and the one that catches my eye is this gorgeous picture of a slab of dark chocolate, with a few playful, plump and ever so coy blueberries.  It's called "Lindt Excellance Intense Blueberry", or, in French, "Bleuet Intense", and I was all "YES PLEASE!" and into the basket it went.
I suffer through work today, keeping in mind the reward that awaits at home.  The "mmmm-aaaaah-mmmmmm" I so rightfully deserve is just a few hours away.  I get home, tear open the wrapper, take a deep inhale and just go to take a bite when I notice what looks like BITS.  Hubba-wah???
So, in teeeeenie-tiny writing on the bottom left part of the package it says "Dark chocolate with pieces of blueberries and ALMOND SLIVERS.   ALMOND SLIVERS?  ALMOND SLIVERS?  Don't you mean "Paige's CERTAIN DEATH!"???
I am allergic to almonds.  Why, oh why, would they not include in that photo of delectable "mmmmm-aaaaah-mmmm" the "EGADS! SWELLIN! CHOKING!" of almonds???  I think almonds, which are quite tasty before causing an immediate swelling in my throat, deserve to be on the photo so that, oh say, ALLERGIC people like myself are aware of their presence.
So, thank you for NOTHING, Lindt!  Make sure none of your graphic artists sit on their asses too long and court certain death even if they engage in regular exercise.  Cock eaters. 
So, so, SO bitter at the moment.
And how, you ask, is this like my love life???  Let's see, it's everything I always wanted and everything I can't have.  Thanks for the harsh reminder, Lindt. Why don't you go out and make out with your friend Starbucks???