LAS VEGAS, NV— A local street performer who pretends to be a centuries-old statue for a living was reportedly harassed by protestors who mistook him for a monument to a confederate leader.
“Look, I know this looks bad”, the terrified man said as he backed away from the mob of protesters. “I’m honestly one of the most liberal people I know- my mom is Jewish!”, he continued completely out of character.
Since the events at Charlottesville, VA occurred, confederate symbols and effigies have been a target. Groups of large crowds have banded together to vandalize the statues, and in some cases even completely removed the heavy chunks of metal from their locations.
This has been an unfortunate trend for street performer and statue-artist Mr. Pacelli, who requested his first name remain anonymous for his protection. “I totally get the whole statue thing, I do,” he said while icing his leg after a young man had mistook him for John C. Breckinridge and bashed his knee in with a metal bat. “I just want people to know that not all statues are bad, and to think before you tie one end of a rope to my neck and the other end to your rear bumper,” he said after coughing up a significant amount of blood and gold paint.