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February 26, 2009


I don't know what it is, but the sight of a fat, stocky toddler wearing an Incredible Hulk t-shirt is maybe the greatest thing ever to see. It makes me happy inside. Makes me wish he had the powers of the Hulk.

Which brings me to an idea I had for a movie: "Toddler Hulk." What if a barely-walking-stage toddler was blasted with gamma rays and became green and unstoppable when he got mad? He would stumble, fall, and crush the car he fell into. You couldn't catch him and pick him up, as the force of his toddler running would shatter your bones. The army would shoot bullets at him, but he'd just giggle and brush his fat hands at his face. You'd have to hit him with a tank-destroying missile just to get him to nap. Eventually some terrible force (a monster, a shadowy secret society, etc) would threaten our world, but Toddler Hulk would just crawl all over it and bend, chew, and slobber on it until it was crushed. 

And you know what? Sometimes TH would get sad and sit down to cry. Maybe because no one could play with him without being immediately killed. Maybe because it's raining. Maybe because all the other toddlers were crying and he didn't want to get left out. That's when our scientists would build a robot friend for him. Something that would at least not shut down when TH would clap his little hands and cause 15 sonic booms in a row, destroying yet another playground and everyone in it. In honor of TH's saving the world again and again, he would get to name the robot. The robot, whom Toddler Hulk has named "Buh," would be TH's constant companion. If TH fell down a hole and dug/punched his way to the earth's core (again), Buh would fly him out. Yes, Buh can fly. He would basically be like a midget Iron Man without the man inside. 

Michael Bay and/or Jerry Bruckheimer, you can contact me here.