By Shamus “Inches” O’Toole
Gentlemen around the world, I am pleased to announce that the mysterious and venerable Brotherhood of Gentlemen Alcoholics is accepting new members. The Brotherhood of Gentlemen Alcoholics exists to ensure that for our posterity, booze tastes like booze, bars smell like smoke, and there is always a healthy selection of ZZ-Top in the jukebox.
We are a proud few who believe the era of time-honored ‘men’s’ drinks if far from over. We believe that if you are a man who walks into a bar and orders anything fruit-flavored, you should be beaten unconscious for your own good.
If you wish to join, you must be:
At least 18 years old.A gentleman.Able to drink scotch whiskey without making a face.
You must have never:
Ordered an apple-tini (unless you are an homosexual).Asked anyone in a bar to stop smoking,EVER!
You may submit your application to the broken looking man on the last barstool at any local tavern. Good fortune, brothers, and as always, bibamus, moriendum est!