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September 29, 2015

A very rich woman gives advice to poor people around the country about how to survive, and even thrive, in these tough economic times.

How to Survive as a Poor Person
By: A Rich Person

-Make sure you’re putting aside money into a 401K. Even just a few hundred a week will do. That way you’ll be able to retire by the time you’re 65.

-When you go to the cosmetics counter at Bergdorf’s, don’t just buy one thing, buy all of the things, and then…poof! Free lipstick!

-Let your maid have Christmas off. I know what you’re thinking, how could I possibly have Christmas without precious Maria?! Firstly, I didn’t say give the day off to the nanny or cooking staff, did I?! No, I didn’t, I’m not insane. Let me explain. If you let your maid have the day off, you avoid the nonsense of paying her for the day in addition to her Christmas bonus of having her buy herself a ham, wrap it and then give it to herself. No muss, no fuss.

-It pains me to say this, but…sell the jet? No. No. Forget it. I could never ask you to do that.

-Rent out the jet. I know, I know, but, tough times, right?

-Instead of going out every night, save some money and throw a catered event at one of your properties! Have everyone else come to you! Beats the heck out of paying for valet.

-Don’t tip. If they wanted to make money they’d have a better job. Tipping rewards a decision to drop out of college.

-Blow dry your own hair.

HAHAHA! I’m kidding, of course. That would be ridiculous! Blow dry your own…ha! You should’ve seen the look on your face!

Stay tuned for next week’s article entitled:
How to Survive as a Poor Person
By: A Poor Person