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July 14, 2008
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Blog Contest- Winner Announced- No Tease (and I have a Doctor’s note on why I’m late)

Jim McPartland

www.funnyordie.com/jbmpart

 

I had every good intention of doing this last night. But a funny thing happened on the way to the forum. Well, it’s not really funny- actually, it hurts like hell.

As I umpiring a 12 year old boy’s baseball All Star game, one of the kids hits a foul back at me so fast I can’t move. It hit me square in the lower forearm. Forget about the bruise that will show in 2 days, you can actually see the seams of the ball and maybe the Rawlings logo indented. I’m just happy it was my left arm because I’m right handed. Baseball is more dangerous than hockey. I get hit somewhere every game. I’ve done 6000 hockey games and have only been hurt once- when a collegiate level player clipped me with his stick and broke my nose. I’ll never forget picking out small shards of wood fiberglass out of my nose for weeks.

Ok enough about my issues—

As far as I can tell there were 22 blogs entered (mine do not count, nor are they in the running).

Twonicus, the Marky Mark wannabe that Piffany thinks he is, lead everyone with 5 entries alone. If there’s anyone I’d say does a better job than me at the blogs, it’s him. They’re always really interesting and engaging. A few of the ones for the contest were serious, as was the one On Screen Chemistry did. Although I liked serious, for the purpose of the contest sheer funny was the criteria.

I think Alex from RickyshoreSingstheBlues was the very first entry. Also the shortest, asking people why they don’t comment. If you don’t know, Alex (who looks like Mick Jagger, long tongue included- and probably why a fox like Marissa hangs with him) moved to LA to start doing stuff with Litho (Kim McBride) and Paul Baio. Hollywood is a footstep away for this group- mark my words.

Speaking of Paul, he entered two. His “Great Uncles”, although not the winner, was a great history lesson and I have spent time driving by garbage dumps looking for abandoned mattresses ever since.

PJ Ross, aka Sonnyboo, chipped in an interesting Harry Potter piece. We popped MPG 79’s blog cherry, which sent me to the bathroom for some ‘quiet time’.

The lovely Kate Castella not only blogged- she did her 1rst (and VERY funny) vid on happy funeral home directors. Atta Girl, KC!!

I had 7 finalists-

In no particular order-

Southern Jewish Princess’ ‘Unfunny Cunt’ (Jacki gave two entries--please visit her site www.Funny NotSlutty.com and watch her snippet cartoon on her upcoming show. She’s put a ton of work in and deserves our attention. If I count correctly, she used the word ‘cunt’ 9 times in four paragraphs. I’m not sure there’s a porn book out there that can make that claim. Anyone have some ‘Penthouse Forum’ info? Reminded me of the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode ‘Beloved Aunt’, so I’m putting Jacki in the same vain as Larry David.

The Retributioners- ‘Message from a Cool New Person on My Space’. Eric and Steph is another match made in heaven. His blogs are hysterical and her acting in their vids is as funny as anything Sarah Silverman does. Just watching Steph’s face cracks me up. Another duo headed for stardom.

Twonicus- ‘What’s the Difference between a Rock and a Dead Baby?’- Killer, albeit really sick ending. His Sleep Deprivation Chamber always feels like home. A kinda scary one, though, where weird shit happens at 3 A.M.

Amy4Birds- ‘Nature is So Loud and Dirty’. Amy is another twisted mind that makes me better. She says she didn’t want to be involved- and no, Amy, you didn’t win- but you are still my idol and I love your head. I’d like to carve it like a pumpkin.

Big Game Hunter’s ‘Open Letter to America’s Funniest Home Videos’. Written by Jen, who I know the least about compared to the rest (she probably likes it that way) made me roll with the comments. I hate that show. My personal hell would be forced to watch it for eternity while Rush Limbaugh’s sitting next to me talking with his fat mouth full. I highly recommended you check out BGH’s vids. Their ‘Dead Whore’ is amazing.

EasilyDissolved’s ‘The Truth about Jean-Claude Van Damme’. Again, JCVD nauseates me and although I wouldn’t watch some of the movies this young talented guy mentions, I have a real fondness for his incredible perception.

E-Weezy- ‘Intervention’. Another ‘cherry popper’ that left blood stains on the sheets that won’t come out no matter what you use.

 

The winner---

 

 

Drum roll please-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

 

 

I’m going with E-WEEZY’s ‘Intervention’.

 

My reasoning-it was like On Screen’s serious one about FOD and how everyone (with minor exceptions) is cool—but that young lady went way beyond that, going so far as to add a pic of a computer being dragged away because she’s so addicted to FOD, her parents may have to call one of those organizations that kidnaps kids from cults.

First ever use of the term ‘bloginity’. I love it when I have to add a word to my spell check dictionary.

‘Severing fingers with a Spork from Taco Bell’.

I’m not going to say that her references to masturbation, breast slapping and pelvic gyration helped her. But they didn’t hurt.

This was her first blog- we should all look forward to many more.

 

 

 

I want to thank everyone that participated. I know FOD is predominantly meant for vids- I just find it a great forum to test out some of my own material which is in written form.

Each one of you has a talent. I believe we are an artistic community whose function should be to support and encourage each other. I don’t vote ‘die’ on the people ‘I Love’. Are there some that miss a tad? Yep. But I know sweat and tears have probably been shed and every vid- or blog- will not be perfect and occasionally fall flat. I try as best I can to comment on what I do see or read. Usually some wise guy joke. But when I send out ‘hilarious’ and ‘genius’, I mean it. And everyone mentioned here is just that.

Keep writin’ and filmin’. Whatever you hope will happen is likely to come true. At worst, you’re getting very smart, fun people involved in your life. And that ain’t too shabby.

I now step down from the soapbox. Someone take over.

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