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March 23, 2016
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In pictures of Obama's Cuba trip, everyone has an umbrella except the Secret Service. Sure, sure they need to have their hands free, but being soaking wet doesn't seem like a good option either. Here are some good options.

President Obama made history when he touched down in Cuba this past Sunday. He is the first sitting president to visit the island since 1928. And though it rained the day he arrived, it was no less historic. One thing stuck out to me, however. According to pictures, everyone had an umbrella except the Secret Service. And I get that they need to have their hands free, but I feel like being soaking wet and cold and miserable might also be a hindrance?

So, I’ve come up with 21 alternatives that are better than just letting Secret Service get rained on.

  • Tape guns to umbrella handles.
  • Before the day begins, dip Secret Service agents in a vat of the oil ducks excrete to keep their feathers dry.
  • No outdoor presidenting when it’s raining.
  • Secret Service applicants who didn’t pass the intelligence test get to hold umbrellas and run alongside the real agents.
  • Shoot down clouds before they even have a chance strike.
  • Obama holds umbrella big enough for everyone to fit under. Not just his precious wife.
  • Re-ban travel to Cuba, just until it stops raining.
  • Maybe let Secret Service agents wear athletic clothes and running shoes instead of suits? It won’t keep them dry, but like, it’s gotta help.
  • Don’t let the criminals have umbrellas so they’re the one who are wet, cold and have reduced visibility.
  • Drone umbrellas.
  • Pipe “I’m Singing In The Rain!” into agents’ earpieces to keep their spirits up.
  • Check the weather before planning a trip.
  • Just use the system of underground tunnels we all know are there.
  • Umbrella hats that are black instead of rainbow– to maintain the dignity of the office.
  • Instead of walking anywhere, have Obama ride in a tank. Then he won’t even need the Secret Service.
  • American flag ponchos.
  • Don’t let the president have an umbrella either. Because we can’t have a resentful Secret Service.
  • Secret Service gets the day off, Obama gets a Pope Mobile.
  • Give President and agents hoverboards to move through the rain faster. Added bonus, if hoverboards catch fire, the rain will put them out.
  • Design umbrellas that shoot bullets a la Batman’s The Penguin.
  • Come to think of it, a regular raincoat might also work.
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