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June 08, 2017

The NFL has let their hair down, if you will, on punishing touchdown celebrations. In an attempt to end his crusade towards becoming the "No Fun League," Commissioner Rodger Goodell has relaxed the rules, allowing players to dance and play in the endzone. Here are a couple of celebration ideas players should use.

With the NBA Finals wrapping up, personally, I can’t wait for October and the start of football. Beginning this year, The National Football League will be “relaxing"touchdown celebration rules for it’s players, effectively putting to rest all theories that Commissioner Roger Goodell is trying to kill fun in sports and also the American spirit. Goodell says these new rule changes allow players to have "more freedom to be able to express themselves and celebrate their athletic achievements” after scoring. To take advantage of the new rule changes, I have a couple of celebration ideas I think players should use.

Write your name on the ball so the other team has to give it back to you later

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finders keepers does not apply when the object is marked by the owner

Signing the football is a throwback method of guaranteeing the other team will give you the ball back.

Dig a hole as deep as you can

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who knows what you might find

You’ve been playing football your entire life. Wouldn’t you like to know what is underneath the field? Well, you just scored a touchdown and it’s your time to do whatever you want!

Take a moment to say a prayer, thanking God for the talent you’ve been blessed with

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bring the entire team along for this one

Score a TD in the big game? Take time to reflect upon who got you there in the first place. You won’t regret it.

Spike the ball hard because you hate it!

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you hate the ball

This one is pretty therapeutic. You hate the ball. The ball’s son won’t stop bullying your son in school. Time to teach the ball’s son a lesson by spiking his dad as hard as you can into the hard turf. ARGH

Propose to a player or coach that you are in love with

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he said yes!

This one I can’t recommend enough. You’re a professional athlete so you know that if you want something, you have to go out and get it. What you may not know, however, is if you love someone you have to let them know! Popping the question mid-scoring celebration makes it even better!

Cover your ears and shut your eyes because a whole stadium is roaring in approval for you and that terrifies you

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It’s okay. It’ll all be ok.

Success can be scary. When you were charging full speed ahead into the endzone, you weren’t expecting to be overwhelmed by all the attention you are now getting. It’s okay! Don’t panic. Just take deep breaths and cover your ears. The crowd won’t be loud forever.

Sing the national anthem, upstaging the opening performer

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These idiots probably think the only thing you can do is play football. Prove them wrong by belting out some high notes in your very own rendition of our nation’s anthem.

More than anything, I hope NFL players this year get to have more fun. It can be hard being a millionaire playing a sport that will eventually kill you. Why not make the best of it?