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October 29, 2010

The sun came up again this morning, so I guess life is continuing. Living is like puberty: once it starts, it's going to happen whether you like or not, but it will eventually end, so deal with it for the time being.

I haven't had cream for my coffee in months. I wish I was manly enough to say that I prefer it black, but I'm not, and I don't. Putting cream in your coffee is like painting your toenails: not necessary, but all the other girls are doing it.

My condo is roughly 1200 square feet. I use roughly six square feet of it, two square feet in the bathroom, and four square feet in my bedroom. Sometimes vice-versa. My living situation is like Hitler's funeral: no one's there, and it smells like there's a dead guy in a box...

My niece is six months old now, and she's accomplished more in that time then I have since 2006. Babies are like a nice watch: it's a good thing I don't have one because I'd lose it in a week.

I went on a date last week. We have a mutual friend that asked her the next day, "is he cute?". She said, "nope". Dating is like smoking cigars: it's supposed to be fun, but my mouth always tastes terrible afterwards.

I've been at my new job for a couple of months now and I haven't been fired yet. I like it alright, but working is like eating live kittens while wearing a dress: i don't want to do it, but I will if I have to.

I haven't worked out in months. Staying physically-fit is like reading: inconvenient, nauseating, and it burns.

I was at Toys R' Us yesterday shopping for a Nerf foam sword, and a child told me that my face looks like my beard is giving birth.

Dental hygiene is important.

My dad washed my car for me last night. It was nice to finally get the "just married" writing off.

The sky is blue because things aren't going its way lately.

I created a super hero that was made of all elbow skin, he protected people from pinching and other general crimes. He died when a robber shot him in the face. I didn't see that coming, so I went back to the drawing board.

The content on this website continues to grow more and more worthless. There is absolutely zero organization or purpose to anything that is on here. Anyone that reads any of this filth needs to reevaluate how they are spending their time. I don't even read it, and I'm the one that's writing it. Please, for the love of all things holy, take this opportunity to realize that your mind is too precious a thing to be subjected to torture of this magnitude. Each and every key stroke that created the collection of all these words is brain-melting cancer that will set the entire human race back to Cro-Magnon intelligence, if misused. Misuse, in this case, would be any use at all.

Until next time: Your face is a problem here on earth, if it looks like your beard is giving birth.