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March 21, 2015
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Illustirious professor scientest Denton Phreph, inventor of Almond Milk unveils his latest invention.

I’m professor scientist Denton Phreph and you probably remember me from the time I invented almond milk. I’m also best friends with Carl weathers. But I am here to talk to you today about my latest invention.

After jamming out to Andrew WK for 22 and a half hours, a few shots of DayQuil and 3 Sausage pizzones, I came up with a bold and genius idea. Before jumping in I want you to get to know me as a person, my hobbies include hardcore porno, transformers, and jamo. I’m from Connecticut but I was raised in Las Vegas. My dad invented those toilets that you pull the handle up for pee pee and push down for poo poo - get over it! I make a mean chicken parm and hell if I can’t cut a rug. My mother was also a Persian rug sales woman, and she night moonlighted as a meter reader maid. She also owns every roto-rooter in Austin, TX.

But enough about me, I’m not asking you all to pass up watching Rango at Randy’s house and come to a condemned caribou for nothing. You will see what I have to unveil. What I have here is guaranteed to knockout any symptom of any sickness you can think of. Is it the latest study drug? No dick for brains, think about what I just said, besides it’s the opposite.

It’s called a night walker - half NyQuil, half Johnny walker. Is it illegal in Pennsylvania? You bet your first born child it is. Will it kill you? That all depends on your childhood. One thing’s for sure, this right here will make your immune system tougher than a bull’s ass, and it’ll kick your shingles in the nuts harder than a delta delta delta sister at Mardi Gras after getting rejected by the bachelor for the 3rd season in a row.

All I am asking for is for you to each pre-order 12 dozen cases at $11.99 a piece a bottle. Send payments to Derek at 111555 S. P.O. box 123 N. Lake Superior.

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