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September 25, 2008
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Someone Bail Me Out

Jim McPartland

www.funnyordie.com/jbmcpart

 

I’m the first one to admit economics is not my strong suit. I feel OK about that because McCain says the same thing. Of course, I am not running for president. If I was, I probably would take a quick refresher 3 day Fred Pryor Seminar or at least say “I think it’s really important to all Americans”. That usually covers your butt.

So I’ve been trying the best I can to get my arms around what’s going on. I’m watching MSNBC and agree (as usual) with Chris Matthews who says “Can someone tell me how we’re paying for this?". The cost will equal $10k per US household. I’m reading the paper- both Paulson and Bernanke say without giving them the $700,000,000,000 don’t-ask-me-what-I’m-doing-with-it tab, doom ensues. I know when I ask someone for $3, I get Monty Python’s Spanish Inquisition on how it will be spent.

Here’s what I get so far. Through greed and lack of any meaningful regulation, which even McCain attributes is the root cause, there is no money to lend to do anything. The same honchos who paid $100k to eat with Johnny in April have made their fortunes through smoke and mirrors. Now the fire has died and, as Streisand alluded, the mirror does, indeed, have two faces. Without intervention, we face another 1929 with people diving out of windows, food lines that rival Darfur, and all savings wiped out like Oxyclean and a chamois.

So the ‘we-hate-regulation-and-want-a-free-market’ Bush Administration now says if we don’t buy all these bullshit bad mortgages from the financial institutions who sold them, the shit hits the fan. These clowns knew full fucking well the people borrowing the money wouldn’t be able to pay it back at some point, there would be no credit, and the only people that will survive will be like PJ Baio’s Uncle Rocky who hid his money in a mattress. But man, those corporate parties in Barbados were fun while they lasted!

Forget your ATM card, it won’t work. The cashier at Home(less) Depot will laugh when you try to buy water and batteries. Any plastic in your wallet will be as valuable as what you put in your recycling bin. Actually those will be stolen, melted down, and used for biodegradable caskets.

So I ask the smarter people- in a bipartisan fashion- please comment on-

1)      Are you for this or are there better options? Does it need to be done by Monday 9/29?

2)      Can we ask for the Greedsters who took advantage of the situation for a refund?

3)      Is McCain’s threatening to miss the debate tomorrow night a ploy?

 

Channel 59 and LizzieQ- I eagerly await your response.

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