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May 30, 2012

my trip to the Cleveland Free Clinic, bitches.



    So there are 29 days left for me in Cleveland. I decided to wake up, brush my teeth, and head down to Euclid Ave. But first, before I tell you guys what happened, on the way down Murray Hill (in Little Italy for you non-Clevelanders reading this), this mother fucker in a red Honda Fucking Fit car (which is like the Mini-Cooper's skanky girlfriend) kept brake checking me the whole way until I took a photo of his license plate with my iphone and yelled "If you want to be rear-ended by a pickup, be my guest tiny man!!"




     So, I turn down 120th, and escape the traffic to Euclid. There it is, the Free Clinic and all it's glory. I pull into the parking lot and see a line of about 25 people standing there waiting, half of them smoking Black n' Milds, very healthy. Anyways, we wait, and wait, and wait. Then the doors glide open and people shuffle in, they say they're only taking 13 people. So a nice lady with a clipboard walks around to us rejected misfits and ask us if we need pregnancy tests to just stand over there. "I could go for a free preganancy test," I think to myself. But then I decide that would be a waste of the volunteers' time and money since I sterilized myself years ago with vinegar and an exilir made from taranchula's sweat. 

   So I thank the nice people at the Free Clinic, purchase a bottle of Aquafina from the vending machine, and then give directions to an older lady on how to get to the bus-stop that's literally just outside. I say to her "It's literally right there, it says RTA in big red letters. See! Great, have a good one." Then I got in my pick-up and drove back up the hill through Little Italy, with the peace and ease of knowing 13 people got free health care this morning, I'm just not one of them. 

29 days left...