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August 16, 2015
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How to tell if the man you're going to dinner with is actually interested in you or just sacrificing you down to the dark Lord.

How to tell if this is a date or a séance?

Finding a good man is tough. Am I right ladies? Especially,when you don’t know if they are actually interested in you or if this is just another ploy to sacrifice you to the dark King Lucifer. Here are some scenarios you may find yourself in which you’re questioning “Is this a date or is this a séance?” With each scenario, one must act accordingly.

He brought his own wine, which looks like blood and smells like iron.

_This is a date. _

He demands the restaurant seat you at a circular table or on the floor if none are available.

_This is a date. _

He brings candles and incense to “set the mood.”

_This is a date. _

He orders the lamb, which he insists on “sacrificing” himself.

_This is a date. _

He asks you what religion you are and if you’re open to hearing about the dark lord Satan.

_This is a date. _

He continuously mentions the name “Beelzebub.”

_This is a date. _

He’s wearing a plethora of gold rings, bracelets, necklaces,and a ruby amulet with an ancient symbol of a goat’s head carved onto it.

_This is a date. _

He’s brought a friend he calls the “medium” that insists on holding everyone’s hands.

_This is a date. _

He asks “do you have a message for us” with his eyes closed prior to the appetizers.

_This is a date. _

He mentions that he has a self-portrait at home that, if destroyed, would transform him into a decrepit old coal miner.

_This is a date. _

He asks you if you’re a virgin.

_This is a date. _

He asks if you’ve ever dreamt about the spirit realm and getting in touch with lost loved ones.

_This is a date. _

He places an ancient set of gypsy daggers on the table prior to “the feast.”

_This is a date. _

He says “leave now you’re not welcome”, but when you get up to leave he says, “I wasn’t taking to you” which causes the lights to flicker and some chairs to fall over.

_This is date. _

He asks you how old you are.

This is a séance. Run as fast as you can.

Leanne Vandersnootchis an aspiring cat walker and author of “Survivor: My month trapped in theAmazon warehouse.”

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