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June 06, 2012

Washington, D.C. - President Obama fired the LAPD Officer who issued Amanda Bynes a DUI after the former Nickelodeon star asked him to do so in a tweet.

Washington, D.C. - This afternoon President Obama fired the LAPD Officer who issued Amanda Bynes a DUI after the former Nickelodeon star asked him to do so in a tweet.

According to a source inside the White House, a meeting with China's leader Hu Jintao was interrupted to show Obama Bynes' tweet on the presidential iPhone. Obama excused himself from the meeting immediately and convened his cabinet in the Situation Room to take action against the rouge officer.

At three o'clock this afternoon, Obama addressed the nation from the Oval Office, saying, "What we have here is a celebrity hate crime that cannot be tolerated. Celebrities are what makes America the greatest nation on the planet."

While details on how he intends to capture the officer remain under close guard, a source at the Department of Defense who asked to remain anonymous said, "It will likely involve sending someone to the the guy's house and knocking on his door."

"I've never been more desperate for help in my life," a thankful Bynes told media. "Other than the time I tweeted the UN to get my Beemer out of a ditch on Mulholland."