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December 30, 2009
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New Year is fast approaching and I’m doing spring cleaning; well, not right now because I am procrastinating.  Instead I am writing a blog.

“I don’t like doing chores Sam I am.” 

I am the worst chore person ever.  Growing up with somebody cleaning up after me did not really help.  Actually, that is the cause of my incompetence in cleaning.  Oh my! I only have 29 hours left to clean the house top to bottom.  You are probably scratching your head wondering why, “what the fuck is this crazy girl doing her spring cleaning in the middle of winter?”

Well, I grew up in a family of many traditions . . . no matter how stupid they may sound you just do it, just because.  I took tomorrow off from work to start the “tradition.” 

I need to start cleaning the house, do laundry, and do dishes . . . if not, the house will be in disarray all year ‘round.  Now I am wondering who the fuck thought of this tradition.  This is a good tradition for the household help to do ~ I remember bribing the maid to do my chores so I can gallivant!   I used to tell my mom, “I love chaos, I do have organizational skills.”  I know where everything is in my mess.  My mom would usually retort, “if your ‘kiki’ (pronounced as kei-kei which means vagina) is detachable, you’ve already lost it in your mess.”

Then, after cleaning the house I will need to prepare the “buena noche.”  Buena noche is the first meal of the year . . . the dining table will need 12 kinds of dishes and everything needs to be round or circle.  This would represent prosperity the following year.  Do you know how hard to prepare this meal?  The first year I had to prepare the said meal for my family, the menu included: 12 hard boiled eggs, 12 green grapes, 12 purple grapes, 12 oranges, a ball of cheese (queso de bola) cut in 12 wedges, 12 slices of bread which cut in circles, meatballs, pepperoni, 12 Heineken and 12 Jell-O shots that you have to scoop with a melon baller.  When my grandmother saw the table, she frowned and said: “there are only 10 kinds of food on the table.”  My response was, “I really don’t mind not prospering 2 months out of the year.”  As a punishment, I was not to prepare the buena noche anymore ~ “really?!” I said with a pout to show my disappointment.  I was really jumping for joy deep inside!

Amidst all of these, I have to think of what to wear . . . something red with polka dots!!!  One year, I was questioned why I’m wearing a black outfit.  I swear I was wearing red polka dotted underwear!

I also have to make sure that there are monies on me ~ my pocket, my purse.  Yes, I do hide money inside my brassiere . . . quarters; they make my nipples appear hard.

One tradition that I have enjoyed through the years is jumping at the strike of midnight.  This is supposedly will make us grow taller.  We all know that this is not true.  I am 5 foot 4 inches and I am the tallest in the family.  And I swear I jumped until I peed my pants . . .

But no matter how stupid these traditions are, I would be teaching them to my kids.  In hopes that it would be carried on, no matter how stupid it may sound to them, that they will just do it!

Okay, now I am done whining . . . Thanks for reading and have a great 2010!

 

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