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Stats & Data

September 22, 2017

Grow your vitals with my proven methods.

We all know that the measure of a man is the measure of a man.

Is your penis really small?

You don’t have to (excuse the pun) put UP with that.

And you don’t have to spend money on quack products to make your male penis bigger either. Just follow my simple advice and you can see growth in your Yaaa-haaa of at least a quarter-inch. You need a quarter-inch more let’s face it.

What do you think when you go to a swim pool and other guys have a noticeable bulge down there but yours looks instead like a cavern—-a dip in the bathing suit. If the pool water is cold, once you get in, whatever smallness you have will get even smaller.

Do you feel inadequate? That’s okay you should feel inadequate you haven’t even got what we refer to as a “pecker.”

But don’t fret I’m here to help you. I have studied this issue a bunch and none of the techniques I’m going to give you have not been tried out by me with personal success. In fact I’m putting my findings into what I intend to promote as a book.

Have you had a sexual fling where when you dropped your pants, your paramour looked down at you and then laughed? Not good! Not good for your ego.

First of all, there are numerous exotic treatments that you can purchase that won’t do a thing for you and why spend your hard-earned money waiting for something to come in the mail only to find you’re still the Mister Tiny Meat you always were after using—whatever it is? Don’t become a (pardon the pun) co’k sucker.

Some of these quack methods involve taking a pill usually just a little piece of white sugar that doesn’t do anything except relieve you of $39.95. One other pill I heard about had a side effect, it increased size but also enlarged breasts. In theory you could make love to yourself.

That’s no fun you don’t want that that’s lonely.

Instead with my simple easy-to-follow instructions you can enlarge your schlong using nothing more than common everyday items you can find around the house… for example a simple length of string.

Take a length of string and tie it around the head of your you-know-what.Tie the other end to the glass light fixture in the ceiling above your bed. Pull the string tight until your thing is pulled straight up. In the old days they used to use this same method to pull an aching tooth. You would tie the string to the aching tooth and the other end to the light fixture in the ceiling, and then jump off the bed head-first—yanking the rotten tooth out.

Do not jump this time. I repeat do not jump.

The idea is you sleep overnight with the string holding your thing upwards taught, and over the hours it stretches it. Every night hook the string back up. Do not turn sideways in your sleep with a glass lighting fixture directly over your head. That could be catastrophic (pull the glass fixture down on your head, or bend your thing permanently sideways).

Little by little over time….your thing will get longer. You’ll be amazed. You’ll gaze in the mirror at yourself with new-found confidence….and arrogance.

Here’s another method. Do you have a toilet paper roll empty…you know, that cardboard cylinder after the toilet paper is used up? Chances are unless you’re a teeney-weanee so small you need more intensive help—-your thing should be at the very least large enough to fit the empty cardboard toilet paper roll over it.

Placing it over your thing will squeeze your thing (it’s a little thicker hopefully than the cardboard roll), and cause your thing to “elongate.” Think of your thing as a creature. It’s there in a sort of cave (cardboard roll) and like a snake it wants to get out of the cave. So what does it do? It heads for the light at the end of the tunnel (the exit to the toilet paper roll).

This method used every day (you will wear the toilet paper roll inside your pants to the office) will enlarge your love meat by at least a quarter-inch.Once again I have personally tried these methods and they have worked for me. Among my clients is none other than Donald Trump himself.

I have many other techniques you can use according to your taste for example using a vacuum cleaner with strong suction but we’ll discuss that next time.

Contrary to what some think bigger is better, walk softly but possess a big stick, two inches is not considered a vital statistic, I’ll die before I shrink—make these your watchwords.

Look for my new book on this subject coming out soon, “A Man’s Gotta Grow, What a Man’s Gotta Grow.” At bookstores near you.