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January 24, 2017
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He'll always be allowed in a giant block of ice, though.

The magician and illusionist David Blaine is most famous for his mystifying tricks and magnificent feats of endurance. However these same tricks and feats have caused him to be banned from several places. Here is just a few of those locations.

Home Depot

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Blaine is not allowed to enter any Home Depot store after eating all of the nails in a Pennsylvania location, turning himself into a human nail-gun, and firing the nails into a giant piece of wood, spelling out “Lowe’s Rocks!” When a manager asked for him to pay for the nails and wood, Blaine kicked him in the balls with magic.

AMC Movie Theaters

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During a screening of Now You See Me 2, Blaine stood up in his seat, said, “That isn’t magic. THIS is magic!” Every seat in the theater turned into a dove. Since the moviegoers were all sitting on a seat when it happened, they all sat on and crushed a dove to death. Blaine never apologized, claiming that “All movies should be watched while killing a bird.”

Any NFL Stadium

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On 12/24/16, David Blaine used the dark arts to make the Cleveland Browns beat the San Diego Chargers, giving them their only win of the season. Originally, the NFL sentenced Blaine to death via multiple concussions, but lowered the sentence to a lifetime ban after he promised to make the Browns lose every game for the next 5 seasons.

Lowe’s

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See the Home Depot section, but replace Home Depot with Lowe’s.

Panera Bread

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The magician once turned all of a store’s bread bowls into regular bowls and all of the store’s regular bowls into scorpions. Blaine didn’t stop there. He blocked the store’s exit and would only let people leave after they signed a formal document claiming they believed David Blaine was better than Criss Angel and that “Criss” isn’t even a possible way to spell “Chris.” Everyone signed. Even the scorpions.

Starbucks

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He’d constantly use the bathroom without buying anything.

France

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Blaine is forbidden entry to France after causing the Eiffel Tower to disappear during a magic trick. Later, when he made it reappear, it was clearly a forgery that Blaine had hastily built to fool the French into thinking it was the real deal. Obviously, the magician forgot where he had put the actual Eiffel Tower and had to make one himself, but since he was banned from Home Depot and Lowe’s, he had no place to buy the correct materials. The fake Eiffel Tower, made out cement, scrap metal and piles of dead doves, still stands in Paris, and Blaine is banned for life.

His Ex-Wife’s House

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Irreconcilable differences.

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