Full Credits

Stats & Data

86Funny
7Die
3,543
Views
July 20, 2016
Published
Description

Third Eye Blind is POLITICALLY RELEVANT, and TRENDING ON TWITTER, so it looks like my musical tastes are STILL RELEVANT.

To all the haters who laughed at me when I told them Third Eye Blind was my favorite band. To all my coworkers who laughed at me when they saw that my Spotify was just the album “Blue” on repeat. To every person who mocked and jeered me as I hummed “Ten Days Late” while walking down the street: Guess what? Third Eye Blind is relevant again, they’re trending on twitter and they helped change the world so I’m laughing now.

Last night at a Cleveland charity event that was heavily attended by RNC members and party goers Third Eye Blind began trolling all of the Republicans in attendance, asking them if they believed in science, telling them to boo all they want and playing none of their hits (except Jumper, but Stephan Jenkins made it very clear it was about accepting love in your heart and dismissing fear).

Looks like I was right all along when I said Third Eye Blind is what Rage Against The Machine wish they were.

Looks like when I wrote in my middle school diary: “Third Eye Blind will change the world some day” I was a regular old Nostradamus.

Looks like Donald Trump doesn’t have to worry anymore about making America great again. Because Third Eye Blind is back, baby.

If we’re being real I haven’t been that outspoken about politics these past few months, and to be honest I haven’t been that good at keeping up. Last night instead of watching the RNC coverage I got caught up on the Bachelorette on Hulu (I’m team Luke). But if this is the event that lets me talk about Third Eye Blind again without being told that I need to “find a new band,” or the event that lets me unironically listen to their entire discography in the office sans headphones then I will seize that opportunity and run with it, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Now, if you don’t know anything about Third Eye Blind, the current hottest band that spits in the face of Republican Fascism, you might want to get caught up so you can talk about them at parties and not look like an out of touch moron. Here are a few facts about the band that you can casually drop at parties:

  • Hits include: Semi-Charmed Life, Jumper, Graduate, How’s It Gonna Be, Deep Inside of You, Never Let You Go.
  • Non hits but songs that are still better than anything released after 2000 excluding OutKast include: Motorcycle Drive By, London, 10 Days Late, God of Wine, Slow Motion, Slow Motion (Instrumental).
  • Their self-titled album is better than most Beatles albums.
  • It’s cool to like them now, and it always has been.
  • Stephan Jenkins, the lead singer of the band, wrote an amazing op-ed about why they weren’t going to play for the 2012 RNC.
  • LeBron James won’t admit it but he listens to “Semi-Charmed Life” to pump him up before games.
  • Steph Curry too, but only when he wins.
  • Scientists predicted that humanity peaked when the band played the three piano chords during the bridge in Jumper (found at 3:01 in this video).
  • You like them. They are good music, and it’s illegal to make fun of me for still liking them now.

But why stop there?! Now that we’re all on the same page about my relevant musical tastes here are a few more things that I think should happen:

  • Eagle Eye Cherry should fix campaign finance reform.
  • The second amendment should read: The right to Barenaked Ladies.
  • Melania Trump should plagiarize some Alanis Morrisette lyrics.
  • Congress should filibuster by doing Counting Crows karaoke.
  • Hillary Clinton should announce that Rob Thomas is her VP and that her cabinet is the rest of Matchbox 20.
  • Hootie and the Blowfish should defeat ISIS.

So to all those who made fun of my musical tastes: I’m cool now. You are not. Thank you, and good bye. Good bye-ye-yeeeee. Good BYYEEEEEEEE.

Advertisement
Advertisement