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June 23, 2010


It took the whole world by surprise last week, when comedy legend Jim Carrey, announced that he split from the gorgeous Jenny McCarthy after being together for 5 years. However, we can now EXCLUSIVELY reveal, that the beautiful couple separated because of Jim's secret addiction to toilet paper. A close friend of couple (whose identity we will not disclose) told us:

"Jenny at first thought it was really funny when Jim wanted to take his own roll of toilet paper whenever they went out for dinner. But the novelty soon wore off when one day Jenny saw some documents that Jim had accidently left out, detailing that he was going to invest over $10 million in a Cuban Toilet Paper plant with comedian, musician and toilet paper baron Bill Zucker. It was the final straw that broke the camel's back. I mean, Jenny had been getting really frustrated with Jim, because he would frequently hang out with Zucker and his buddy Kelsey Grammer - that guy from 'Will and Grace', and turn up the following morning with a handful of 'rolls' that he had acquired while out partying with the duo the night before."

A different souce provided further insight:

"Jim Carrey had been desperate to land the part that method actor Scott Baio won in the 'Kelsey Grammer and Bill Zucker Comedy Hour' but had to settle for the lead in "I love you Philip Morris" instead. Although Baio had always been the first choice, Jim was really hurt when the scene he had filmed sitting on the toilet, never made it into the final cut. He blamed it on the fact that Baio had opted to go topless, something that Jenny had asked him not to do."

Although Jim was spotted back at work just hours after he had told the world that their relationship had ended, we spotted him leaving his house in the early hours of this morning carrying a large box of toilet paper rolls with Bill Zucker and Kelsey Grammer. For some reason Jim and Bill were dressed in black Armani suits while Kelsey Grammer settled for his trademark 'Guns n Roses' t-shirt and grey sweatpants.

When our team of intrepid reporters jumped out from behind the bushes and jogged over to them, all 3 stars ran over to Kelsey's Black Subaru Imprezza Turbo and sped off. Then Bill Zucker rolled down his window and threw some signed copies of his recent album at us - one narrowly avoided this writer's eye. In a ball of smoke and revs, the trio accelerated and drove away blasting 'Rock and roll hair' from the stereo - the much anticipated forthcoming track to be released by Zucker. We assume they were headed back to Broadway with Kelsey where he is performing in 'La Cage Aux Folles'.

As we turned around to walk to the house... the vivacious sexy, stunning and uber-gorgeous Jenny McCarthy refused to speak to us and slammed the door shouting "Damn You Zucker".

EDITORS NOTE:  Bill Zucker has demanded that we clarify that he was only sleeping on Jim Carey's coach by 'himself ', and insisted that Jim and Kelsey only watched his darling Lydia Cornell in 'Too Close to Comfort' on Jim's 100" Plasma TV screen.

EDITORS DISCLAIMER: Now can we have our toilet paper supplies re-instated please Bill?

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