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Stats & Data

March 21, 2018


Everyone reading this can agree that it’s more difficult than ever to get a job. And the reasons are obvious really: technology, entitled youths, and of course, Asians.

They are seriously kicking our ass in everything! They’re outstanding at education, industry, and best yet, they’re all the same. You may think this isn’t a big deal, but you’d be wrong. Being the same race saves them massive amounts of time and energy from not having to hate each other. Shit, if we Americans got along, by now we’d have flying cars and a real president.

But all this economic growth for them hasn’t come without its costs. Apparently, conditions in China are so bad that it’s not uncommon for workers to commit suicide out of desperation. Hey, I would too if I was Chinese.

And if any Chinese are reading this, get back to work, my iPhone isn’t gonna make itself.

Now how this relates to me – because I’m selfish.

Well, I just achieved my first major accomplishment by graduating from college. Oh shut up, I can hear your fake applause through the internet. Thank you, but it meant absolutely nothing.

The only use my diploma has is to wipe my ass because I’m too poor to afford real toilet paper – and trust me, it’s no Charmin Ultra Soft. Thank you student loan debt! However, I must say my diploma does make for a great decoration after. Smells a bit funny though.

It’s so difficult for people my age to find a job when these entry-level positions expect a degree, 3 years of experience, and a blowjob… Wait you’re telling me you didn’t have to give a blowjob in your interview? Well… it’s not gay… I’m just working on my career – and cleaning the stains off my shirt.

Of course, landing an interview is tough, but the interview itself can often be harder. Especially when it’s with Harvey Weinstein. That’s an offensive joke but not that bad compared to this one…

Just kidding. Scared you there, huh? I’m not an idiot. But really, I believe the man is the worst thing to happen to Jews in the past century.

So, the job market. The best part of it all is when you finally land a job, you end up fucking hating it in no time. Longer hours, less pay, no benefits? Sign me up! When will these companies learn; treat your workers right, or at least long enough to replace them with robots.