So I saw Beowulf tonight. Not bad. This guy is living every man's dream. First of all, he's sleeping with nearly every incarnation of hot bitch on the 'Hot Bitch Age Scale'. Hot jailbait, hot thirtysomething and hot grandma. I applaud thee, Beowulf. Oh, sorry, I meant to say
YOU ARE BEOWULF!!!
Second, he's the only man to successfully kill Anthony Hopkins. Jodie Foster followed that bastard around for WEEKS and the best she could do was chase him to the fucking Bahamas. All Beowulf had to do was sleep with the hottest goddamn bitch in all of Denmark and Hopkins couldn't fucking die fast enough!
Well, to be fair, I'd probably kill myself, too. Scandinavian beer goes TERRIBLE with fava beans and Chianti.