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Stats & Data

October 13, 2009


Hey all you sports fans!  I, like many of you am an avid sports fan. I will watch pretty much anything on all the sports channels. Yeah, sometimes I wish there actually was an ESPN OCHO. My wife has pretty much given up on having a husband from late August until sometime in February because of football. In between times I might find myself watching anything from World Series of Poker, Bass Masters tournaments to English Dart Championships. What I want to talk about today are the “album fillers” they put on some of these sports channels. You remember when you bought that new record and you listened to your favorite song over and over but the rest of the album was just okay because of the average songs they put on it to fill up time. I believe the same holds true for the sports culture on television.


From what I notice daily on the FoD or WSS cap contests there is often several sports related captions and of course many of them are based upon current sports events. Whether it’s Marv Albert biting his mistress or Mike Tyson biting Holyfield, sports can make us laugh. This also goes for the obscure sports that only get love on ESPN2, ESPNU, ESPN Classic, Fox sports, or any other regional sports outlet.   

For the sports junkies out there, here is a list of some of the sports you have probably seen on you're TV that get in the way of real sports. (remember the term is being used lightly) 
As a disclaimer I want to emphasize that I am not saying these aren’t sports but more like ESPN fillers of which some are entertaining to some degree. Besides if it weren't for these guys below, Sportscenter would air 15 times a day instead of only 9.

World’s Strongest Man competition:  Some of the events are kind of cool to watch. The let’s throw a fifty pound keg over a pole vault stand, the carry an empty car, and my favorite the ‘Atlas Stones’. I bet if one of these huge guys ever passed a stone those are what they would look like. I even heard they used to have an event called “pole pushers”. Not gonna ask what that is. Oh, and If you have heard of Marius Pudzianowski then you have watched this on ESPN.


Bass Masters:  I like to fish like most guys but watch it on TV, come on. They put a half hour show on with guys that wear shirts sponsored by more companies than NASCAR vehicles (another topic all together).Watching it almost makes you think, wow, if I go to this lake I can catch 6 to 10 pound bass every time I put my line in the water. What I want to know is how much they pay the poor guy who films this for hours and hours on end only to get maybe 12 minutes of actual usable footage.  By the way; if you notice, these shows normally air between 5 and 8 am. Hmmm…isn’t that when people fish anyway?


Darts: I know I mentioned it before but I’ve watched the dart championships more than a few times (purely out of morbid curiosity). I did find it entertaining the very first time I heard the Michael Buffer of dart’s voice repeating such ditties as “60!” “60!” “One hundred and eighty!!!” What I couldn’t understand however, was how some of these guys manage to sweat profusely while they play. Dude you’re throwing darts! In their defense I have an outdoor dart board and I have sweated while playing too…oh that’s right I live in Louisiana and in the summertime it’s 97% humidity in the shade.


Curling: First of all this is not to be confused with (Shirling) another great Canadian sport courtesy of Kids in the Hall. I have to say watching Curling is cool. What I did not know was how much strategy is involved. Also called ‘chess on ice’; this reminds me of a slower version of shuffleboard but better. I did, however, think a ‘Hog Line’ was a buffet line Shoney’s.  It has Scottish origins but its Canadian ruled now. This doesn’t air much in states but on the occasion that it’s on I tune in. Realistically it has really only aired during the Olympics but ESPN loves highlights I like I take to watch the those dudes with the brooms. It gives extra meaning to sweeping the series against the other team right?


World Series of Poker: The coup de grace; I think it was around 2003 when a suit at ESPN said, “Hey I just came from Vegas where they had a poker championship and I watched people play cards all day, we need to air this!” Talk about a train wreck that’s on every night. Let’s watch other people make thousands of dollars playing cards. This is not just an ESPN thing either. It is now on many of the major networks. Look at some of the sport of pokers winning athletes; Chris Moneymaker (the name tells you he is in the right profession), Greg Raymer; looks like he and Moneymaker would be better suited playing offensive line for the Redskins right. Other champs Jerry Chan, Phil Helmuth, and Chris Ferguson probably don’t know what a real football feels like. Not being an athlete is not reserved only for the pro poker players, it also calls on B-list actors, reality show washouts, casino singers, and not so funny comedians. I admit I still watch it occasionally but only when the following other sports are airing on another channel:



Karate Exhibitions

Westminster Dog Show

Tractor Pulls


Double Dutch Finals

Real Wrestling (you know, the reason why fake wrestling was invented in the first place)

Dog Frisbee Championships



Horse Cart Racing

Cheerleading Championships

I know I left some out depending on your demographic but you get the idea.


Once again not to belittle these sports (remember the term was used lightly) but there is a point in the sports year when it seems nothing is on. This is especially evident when the professional or collegiate baseball, basketball, or football team you follow sucks. Not to mention the fact that the market you’re in only shows the teams you hate.  Thank God we have the aforementioned sports to watch when football is over. I credit the people who excel at Double Dutch and Tractor Pulls but can't the sports networks give Women's Beach Volleyball more love...I mean it is an actual sport isn't it? The women that is...they are such beautiful creatures.


Which brings me to my final comment; I have noticed occasionally a sports related cap on WSS. I love commenting and reading those types of captions and was thinking about putting up a sports only cap where the pictures are related to nothing but sports. I was wondering if you all would be interested. It seems each day we see or hear something crazy about something that is taking place in the sports world. I will try to keep it season oriented if possible and definately funny! The caption contest will be called:

I promise not to post too often so as not to dilute the fun but only post them when the daily FoD caption sucks which has been the case lately. It will give the cappers something to do in the late morning early afternoon that's sports related so the other cappers can scavenge on a bad FoD picture.  


Looking forward to having some fun with this and let me know what you think:





P.S. Did I mention NASCAR earlier?