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2Funny
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164
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May 10, 2017
Published
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We need to take the focus off Trump and put the focus on me.

Hey-hey! Ho-ho! Donald Trump has got to go! Hey-hey! Ho-ho! Donald Trump has got— sorry, didn’t see you there. Oh, what am I up to? You’re not going to believe this, but I’m protesting against Donald Trump, even though I’m a straight, cisgender, white male. That’s right, I’m all of those traits, and I even I hate him.

Somehow I did it. Somehow I managed to summon up the pure courage, strength, and gumption to oppose Trump, even though he’s also a straight, cis, white male. None of Trump’s horrendous policies should bother me at all since he’s the same general outline of a person as me, yet here I am.

None of Trump’s horrendous policies should bother me at all since he’s the same general outline of a person as me, yet here I am.

If you’re a woman, racial minority, or LGBT person protesting, big deal. You’re supposed to be here. In fact, if you weren’t here, you’d be letting your entire gender, race, or sexual orientation down. But me on the other hand… I don’t have to be here. I should love Trump. But somehow I don’t, so I’m taking time out of my day to sacrifice for all you poor minority demographics.

I’m a goddamned national hero, OK? You should give me extra praise for being here. Way more praise than anyone else, if you want to even praise them at all. See that lesbian black woman over there? Psht, she deserves maybe 25 likes if she makes a profile picture out of this event, tops. Such a generic Trump protestor. But my picture? This is 200-plus like caliber. So go ahead, like up!

I’m a goddamned national hero, OK?

By the way, I do happen to be single, so if you’re an attractive woman seeing this and are so smitten with my heroism and want to hook up now, I guess I wouldn’t turn it down. Oh and remember, I was born with this male genitalia. Just wanted to make sure you didn’t forget.

You’re welcome, everyone. I’m the white knight you poor souls needed.

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