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April 13, 2015
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List of 4 easy solutions for any person trying to survive California's Drought!

1. DON’T DRINK WATER

Water is overrated and really not necessary for survival when you have alternatives like Coconut water, Gatorade, Soda Pop, and Almond Milk.

Back in the day you couldn’t drink water even if you wanted to because people were taking dumps in the upstream on a daily basis. Instead of drinking doo-doo water they drank beer or booze instead. Napa Valley boasts some of the best wine in the world and people act like without water there is nothing to drink.

If you’re not a drinker you can always…

2. STEAL IT FROM OREGON

Oregon’s sitting on a treasure trove of H20! Let’s outfit former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger with his old terminator gear, air drop him into Portland, and demand Oregon forfeit some of that water they’re selfishly hoarding or face a world or pain.

Those who refuse to contribute to the thievery and bloodshed can participate in…

3. MASS MIGRATION

Pacifists against total war with Oregon can pack it up and relocate to Canada, Washington, or any other place far from California’s inevitable encroachment into Oregon. This is the best option in the long run because California will either be underwater or a harsh desert wasteland in a millennium or two.

Water lovers not wanting to migrate inland can build a boat and…

4. TAKE TO THE PACIFIC

Waterworld was a dope movie and made a perpetual life at sea seem exciting and fun. Most of the world is covered in water anyway so why not take advantage of all that blue unclaimed aquatic real estate. In terms of job stability, sea trade, fishing, and piracy are all historically lucrative professions that don’t require at degree.

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