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June 06, 2016

He was always a fighter, but you can only live so long with no blood or bones in your head.

The 90’s may be over, yet they plague us still.

— G.R. Usher (President Of Snacks)

Harrowing news today as the last kid who got his head turned into a giant fruit by the popular snack Grushers died today from a berry brain blast. Doctors report that the death was painless, the man having long ago lost the ability to feel pain, roughly around the day his nervous system was replaced by delicious fruit juices. Juices we all know weep in his memory.

Truly, this is the darkest of days.

— Angie Middlevitch (Big Fruit Lover)

The last of his kind, a forgotten relic of a simpler time, he was forced to live two worlds his whole life. One stuck in June 12th, 1996, a time of unregulated snack markets, where a product could turn a child into a unholy fruit-man hybrid without consequence, and the modern world, where he lived as a pariah. Often times walking down the street, he would receive comments like “Holy shit Dennis, does that man have a vibrant and luscious strawberry for a head?"It was a struggle. One of silence.

About time.

— Craig Summers (More Of A Vegetable Man)

Though he may be leaving us for the great blender in the sky, it is important to remember all that he taught us.
To never stop believing in ourselves. To be cautious in our choice of sugary snacks.
And to do our best to forget the events of the 90’s.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself and birds pecking away at our heads.

— Steve Larbert (The Last Grushers Kid)