The parking valet is wearing a neck brace and covered in airbag dust and broken glass.
You recognize the front desk clerk from no fewer than three episodes of COPS.
The hotel offers ‘Complimentary De-lousing’ with a 4 night stay.
Instead of taking a credit card impression, the desk clerk asks you to fill out an organ donor card.
The conference room is reserved for the International Amateur Yodellers Convention.
The elevator music is from the opening credits of ‘Law and Order’. (Bonus points: You hear “Dun-DUN!” as the elevator door opens.)
The bathroom towels smell like cottage cheese and sadness.
Instead of shampoo, they have a mason jar full of something called ‘Cleansing Scalp Fire of Doom’, which was apparently made in North Korea.
The complimentary bathrobe has the name of a prize fighter written on the back and a mouth guard in the pocket.
The phone book consists of 827 pages of escort agencies.
Your hotel mini-bar includes a vial of adrenaline and a three-foot-long syringe, with a little note which reads: ‘Just in Case’.
The turn-down service leaves a complimentary can of Skoal on your pillow.
There’s a chalk outline on the room’s ceiling.
The sheets start to glow when the nightclub two blocks away turns on its black lights.
While wondering how a 200 room hotel can stay in business when you are clearly the only customer, you see a sign in your room which reads, “Warning: Please do not wonder how this 200 room hotel can stay in business when you are clearly the only customer.”