I don't know if this is widely known or if it's even true, but I was thinking that the name of this site Funny or Die is probably a little wordplay joke on that whole stupid Vote or Die campaign that P. Diddy and Mtv cooked up around the 2004 presidential election to get young people to vote. Just thought I'd throw that out there, maybe some people might agree with me. OK now I'll try to think of some jokes.

When Michael J. Fox shakes your hand it stays shook.

If I had a nickel for everytime someone used this phrase I'd have rolled them by now and exchanged them for bills.

A kilogram is 2.2 pounds and a pound is $1.48, so don't ever let anyone tell you your fat ass is worthless.

Honestly I never thought it was butter. I just assumed it was marjorine and I don't appreciate that product's presumptiveness.

That  last one may be too vague but I'm going to leave it like that.

I once mixed a bottle of Dayquil and a bottle of Nyquil drank it down  passed out and woke up at noon.

that's all for now maybe I'll add some more if I can come up with anything, I think I did alright over the span of about 10-15 minutes.
 As always I don't think I stole any of these from anywhere but if i did, whoops. thanks for reading