Full Credits

Stats & Data

November 07, 2012

This asshole is my allegedly my father. Here's a touching Father's Day tribute to him.


(Although I am not convinced..)

Where do I begin?

*Thank you for bringing me to the pool as a toddler and being so intent on getting a tan that you didn’t hear me slip into the pool and go under (could explain alot). How nice of the woman to ask you if that was your little girl under the water. I love to hear you tell the story of how I was just sitting on the bottom of the pool criss-cross staring up at you. Good times indeed..

*Thank you for never bothering cover up your Froot of the Looms when my friends came over. I especially loved when you took the garbage out in them.

On that note, thank you for always offering my friends gum in your Froots (wasn’t creepy at all??) p.s.-Why did you always have 350 packs of sugarless gum??

*Thank you for riding a motor scooter before people even knew they existed. I especially liked that you had a windshield on yours and felt that if you bent down (like Evil Kinevel) you could go faster. You always seemed to be riding by (Evil Kinevel style) while I was just getting off the bus or standing with a group of friends.

Since we’re talking about you riding by, why did you never ever notice me on those ride bys?? Especially on those summer days when I was walking home from a friend’s house hot, parched and tired. I would jump, yell, and wave my arms frantically while you just cruised by…Thank you..

*Thank you your brilliant idea of opening a cleaning business. You were so smart to take our Scooby Doo Mystery Machine van and simply paint (using a paintbrush and white paint that was left over from painting our room) an advertisement on the side of it. Genius..Not sure why it never took off??

*Thank you for coming up with the great idea to spray paint Mom’s perfectly good brown Datsun. It was so nice to come back from saying our final goodbyes to Grandpa and see the bright (was it neon??) blue car. How many cans of spray paint did it take? Wasn’t enough because some traces of brown could still be seen. Was not embarrassing at all. A spray painted neon blue car with no tinted windows (wouldn’t have mattered because I don’t think it had ac??).

*I love when you ask me deep questions like who would win in a fight between Bonnie and I or Chuck and I (of course I would, duh). Oh and it never get’s old when you ask me who makes the most money or has the biggest house ( I am a teacher after all, duh it’s gotta be me). Also, thanks for giving me your Christmas and Birthday list every time I call. I’ll get right on that..

*Thanks for asking me to fix, move or hook something up for you every time I stop by. I am just sorry that I don’t have time to stop by anymore..

*Thank you for thinking quick when the firemen came to ask why there was a fire in our backyard (you were burning trash or something). You made us go out and tell them that we were playing with matches and started it.. Way to think on your feet!

I could go on for days but I would hate to bore you or push your short attention span so I am going to just thank you again for all of your encouragement, support and kind words over the years. Every thing I am is because of u Larry Larr!! 2 L’s 2 a’s 4 r’s and a y!! Happy Father’s Day!