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March 22, 2011

Personalized license plates aren't on here because that's just an obvious one.

This fucking race of people pisses me off. Why can't most people just die for a while? There are many things I despise about other people and this world they've created for me, but here are the top 10.

1. Techno music. I'm sorry, I know this shit is cool to listen to when you're fucked up on all sorts of drugs, but I hear people bobbin' to this crap at school and work and all sorts of places where there is no ecstasy or glowsticks. There are plenty of songs with actual lyrics and meaning that weren't composed by some angry Finnish kid in his basement.

2. The need to be polite to strangers. I don't know you, you could be an asshole. And I don't like assholes, so maybe I don't like you. Would you be polite to someone who plays hacky sack with hamsters? No, because that's fucked up. Maybe you're into that kind of stuff. Bottom line is I don't know you, I don't know what you like to do with a bit of free time and an extra hamster or two, so I'm not going to risk being polite to someone who in reality, deserves to be beaten.

3. Shit being illegal. You kill someone, you get killed. The world will always even itself out, why interfere?

4. Railroad tracks. Humans put 'em there. Why? What purpose do they really serve? Name five reasons, excluding the obvious one (for trains to operate) why train tracks exist and I will stop being mad at them existing. Until then, they can fuck off.

5. Magnetic forces. Okay, who's brilliant idea was this? Ever heard of glue? Or Velcro? No, we had to go and fuck around with revolutionary inventions like these and create an energy force that makes shit stick together. Magnetic energy, kinetic energy, telepathic energy, negative energy; what the fuck is next? Seriously, what the fuck is next? I don't know. And frankly, I never want to find out.

6. People who pussy out of climbing mountains. Why would you prepare yourself for climbing a mountain if you didn't intend on doing it? Why wouldn't you just not climb a mountain like most people. God damn it.

7. The fact that we haven't found a way to make a stew out of midgets. There's a way. You know it, I know it, let's all stop being so politically correct and just give it a shot.

8. People who try to think of words that rhyme with orange. NOTHING rhymes with orange. Door hinge is two words, and words that aren't in English don't count because orange is an English word. There was actually a group of dudes brainstorming about words that rhymed with orange at the back of one of my lectures. Morons.

9. Extreme rollerblading. Cool...

10. Books that get made into movies. Why is it never the opposite? And why did nobody ever write a book about a book being made into a movie. Hundred bucks they would make that shit into a movie. Fuck Harry Potter, Fred Savage is the only boy wizard to ever exist. And vampires that like fucking fight werewolves and sleep with human chicks and fly and shit? I like my vampires on my cereal box looking content and inviting. The book-burning era was onto something.

So there they are. Ten things that the human race has designed just to make my life bad. If I could create my own human race, I would, and this planet would be twenty times better than it is now. Trump style.