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January 15, 2015

A handy guide to the Mr. Men and Little Misses you’ll be encountering as you enter adulthood.

The world is a simpler place when we’re children — the misters are happy and daydreamy; the misses are funny and sunshiney. Then the real world comes calling, and life brings with it more misters and misses than you could have ever imagined! Here is a handy guide to the Mr. Men and Little Misses you’ll encounter as you enter adulthood.

Mr. Actually doesn’t want to be that guy, but actually wants you to know that bitcoins are a far better system than the gold standard.

Little Miss Can’t Even is literally dying right now and can’t spell “Teresa Giudice.”

Mr. Turgid accuses his coworkers of stealing his Muscle Milk and has never had a steady girlfriend.

Little Miss Bags has a charger in one of her bags, is it this one? No, that’s an orange and her missing flats.

Mr. Nice thinks he is incapable of victimizing women and visible minorities because he appreciates The Wire and was bullied in high school.

Little Miss Clarity can sense that something is wrong with her navel chakra, but already knows that gluten is poison.

Mr. Feckless was considering fulfilling his potential but then got pudding on his PS4 controller.

Little Miss Appropriation is a bad bitch on fleek and is saving up for her first ayahuasca retreat.

Mr. Plain can’t grow whiskers and went to a concert once.

Little Miss Nightmare just barfed Kahlúa on her Fjällräven but is good to keep partying.

Mr. Riff has some hot takes on advertising and blowjobs that he just can’t save for the open mic.

Little Miss Newsfeed loves being a part of the conversation so long as that conversation is not in person.

Mr. Thirsty follows you on every social media platform and cannot take a hint.

Little Miss Nothing has never had a dream and drifts through this world sort of like a feather, but not like a feather because a feather has grace.

Pitbull is a Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Award nominated rapper from Miami, Florida.

Little Miss Mister does not acknowledge your gender binaries and is generally over it.