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Published September 05, 2011 More Info »
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Published September 05, 2011
September 5, 2011

 

It has come to light this was no ordinary act of piracy. Authorities believe there is a more sinister reason behind this tragic event. An email was discovered in which it was discussed how to take the Cap’n out of the cereal hierarchy. By doing so, it would create chaos worldwide. The author of this email was none other than Tony the Tiger, aka Tony Two Times, aka Tony the Gimp, aka Dr. Otis Guelpe. Tony, head of the notorious Flake Gang has been linked to the Trail Mix Day Massacre, which left Snap and six others dead; Crackle is listed in critical condition. It is clear Tony has been trying to corner the breakfast cereal market through any means necessary. A worldwide hunt is on to find Tony and safely return the Cap’n. That this is happening during National Blueberry Popsicle Month has shaken the country to its core.

 

Tony’s long time enforcer, and right hand man Conan O’Brien has also been missing since National Trail Mix Day, after several eye witnesses pegged him as the driver during Tony’s audacious daytime shooting spree. Did Conan have a hand in the Cap’n caper? Only time will tell as the nation and world wait with baited breath.

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