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May 21, 2013

If you like your music loud and your windows rolled down, then i have the right to judge you as a person based solely on that information.


I really don't have anything better to do while I'm sitting in traffic, anyway... so there's probably going to be some labeling and stereotyping and lots of generally reprehensible assumptions on my part, but that's what you get for invading my personal space with your awful music.  I haven't listened to the radio in six weeks just so I never have to hear that fucking Gotye song again and now I have to listen to it through the passenger window of your Volvo?  That hardly seems fair.  If I throw you my headphones will you promise to use them... or are you going to put that "Foster the People" song on repeat, next?  I had a pair of "pumped-up kicks" when I was eight years old, then, when I was eight and a half, I realized that a hundred and twenty dollars for a fucking pair of sneakers is ridiculous, promptly sold them, and bought four pairs of Converse.  The only reason that you could possibly be listening to such crappy music at such an unreasonable volume is that you must be desperately seeking the approval of anyone who can hear you... like you're just waiting for that moment when somebody listening to the same song pulls up next to you and you can both exchange the European soccer jerseys that you're wearing like two players at the end of a match.  So, next time you're driving along and you don't see any other Volvo drivers to wave to, do yourself a favor and close your windows and throw on some Velvet Underground, that way nobody will be able to hear it when your head explodes.