21 Ways to Cope with Climate Change

As more and more people are starting to accept that climate change is real, the question now is “what are we going to do about it?” Here are several ways for the average person to cope with the effects of climate change:

• Practice treading water until you can do it for 50 years at a time.
• Start being nicer to that crazy neighbor building an ark in his backyard.
• Practice gazing out the window and muttering, “Superstorm's a'comin'.”
• Paint a sleeping grizzly bear white and slip a Coke in its paw.
• Get into the fetal position, rock back and forth, and hum “Mr. Brightside” as loud as you can until it’s all over.
• Kidnap Kevin Costner and tickle him until he shows you how he grew those gills in Waterworld.
• Get ahead of the curve by writing some new snow-less Christmas songs.
• Hijack a Virgin Galactic space-tourism ship. Next stop Mars, son!
• Find the 3% of the scientific community who don't confirm that climate change is caused by people and cut off their heads to gain their incredible powers of denial.
• Shoot as many James Bond ski-chase scenes as possible while we still can.
• Wear glasses that change tint with sunlight, shirts that change color with temperature, and fucking just enjoy the ride.
• Build a time machine to go back and fix this whole thing before it started: by murdering Al Gore, inventor of climate change.
• Only ’80s kids will get this one: Cool down with a slushy treat made in your Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine. REMEMBER?!
• See if 'An Inconvenient Truth' syncs up with “Dark Side of the Moon.”
• If at all possible, don't be poor. Too many people make this mistake.
• Reduce your carbon footprint by no longer drizzling fossil fuels on your pancakes.
• Ride a jet ski to high school and do tricks as you pass all the losers who have to take the school ferry.
• Make a “Gangnam Style” parody about it. “Climate Change Style,” maybe?
• Don't worry about it. The most catastrophic effects of climate change won't be felt for, like, 30 years, and most of us are way too morbidly obese to live that long.
• If everybody on Earth put on some Jason Mraz all at the same time, things would be instantly chill.
• Celebrate the fact that over a century after losing the Titanic, we humans finally won the war against giant chunks of ice.