"Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" Ruined My Bedroom

I'm tired of my pig room. I didn't even want it in the first place so to say that I can't stand it now (after 3 years) would be an understatement. It all started when my family won a chance to be on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition . They gave us a shot because my dad (Kirby) blew his arm off with a tractor beam while filming an audition for NASA (he didn't get it). With this in mind, they wanted to give us a house that was "one-arm" accessible. Which they did. And we're very appreciative of this. Especially my one-armed dad. Kirby.

Except, I never asked for a pig room. This adventure of decoration happened when Ty Pennington was assigned to follow me around for the day. We were toiling around in my backyard, shooting baskets on my Nerf hoop and playing jacks, when out of nowhere, in the distance, I saw a pig. Since, I don't normally see pigs anywhere near my backyard or throughout any avenue of my life ever, I shouted: "Whoa! Look! A pig!" I should have known I was in trouble when Ty immediately scribbled in his Extreme notebook. He must have taken this simple acknowledgement of a foreign object in my ordinary world as a sign that every ounce of my being is filled with an undying love/obsession of pigs.

Soon thereafter, they revealed my new and "improved" room. Pink walls filled with curly-cues and snouts, a bacon-maker next to my "pigpen" bed just down the hall from my bathroom, the main feature of which is a pig-slop bucket bidet. Did I mention I'm 28?

When I went to Ty to ask if I could have a "redo" he told me they were "kind of over budget." He then yelled, "Hey what's that over there?!" When I turned back around, he was gone, or more precisely, sprinting away.

Things have gotten so bad, I've taken to sleeping in my brother's "baseball" room. He doesn't like sports.