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July 29, 2014

I think people should be able to become corporations.



Again and again we here that corporations are people. Therefore, I want people to become corporations. Just think about it:

What if when Lebron James was a little boy, I decided to invest in his future as the current best basketball player in the world. All I would have had to do was just give his family some money (maybe $100) and they would then force little Lebron to sign over say 50% of his future earnings as an adult. I would have set up the Lebron James corporation right then and there. I would then try to get others to invest with me in Lebron James.

“If you look at this 3-year-old boy’s father, you’d find that this little boy has a chance to be one hell of a physical specimen,” I would say. As Lebron got older, his stock would have gradually moved to a more valuable price. Perhaps at the age of 13, he first dunked a basketball. I would have then called an investor’s meeting and announced the great news about James. Not all things would have been good news about James though. If he started having premarital sex at around age 16 or younger, this would have been an alarming news flash. What if he got a girl pregnant and then wasn’t able to become a great NBA player. That would have been horrible for us investors.

Just because in the previous example, I used Lebron James at the age of 3 years old, does not mean that there is an age limit on a person that could become a corporation. Perhaps today, I would scout for pregnant women in low-income neighborhoods and do some investigation on how well they are struggling to make ends meet. Then I would show up at the hospital immediately after she gives birth as they are cutting the umbilical cord and offer her some money (maybe $10) for her to sign away 50% of the baby’s future earnings, assuming it’s a boy. I would then hope that my investment would pay off in the future as there could be lots of variables that come into play. I would have to visit the baby often to make sure the it is making all of its milestones at the appropriate time. I would have to groom the baby on how to be politically correct at a young age, so he could perhaps become a CEO of a big company or the President of the United States.

Eventually, when the corporation becomes old enough, it could meet its board of directors who would then make all his life decisions for him.

Example: “We do not feel that dating Sarah is your best option at this time. Please try Janice instead.”

Example: “How are you eating? According to the nurse that just weighed you, you put on 5 pounds. Why is that? Are you still growing? You are 7. You should perhaps start dieting.”

I hope I have conveyed properly a new, exciting way to make money. Thank you for reading.