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September 11, 2010

Breaking News Shelby,NC

Le Cou Rouge Employees Decry Working Conditions

Friday, September 10, 2010

Casar, NC -- The troubles keep coming for newly formed Le Cou Rouge Films. Last week, the company was sued for slander by one of its own employees, Milial Slaernhower. Yesterday, several employees came forward with complaints about working conditions at the studio.

"Filthy," said Pavel Schnellkraft through a large wad of chewing tobacco. "I'd rather lick my own dog than have to work in this shit hole. It ain't right."

The Le Cou Rouge studio complex is located on a four acre farm outside Belwood, NC. There are two main studio buildings on the farm: Studio A, housed in the barn, and Studio B, in the outhouse. Gertrude Snakeburden is one of those who works in Studio B.

"Well its just goddam ridiculous what they expect us to do in here. I mean, I come in here every day at eight so I can try to get something done before everybody shows up, and that old shithead sits out on his porch and cusses me out holdin' that damn shotgun. By the time everybody gets in here you can't even turn around, and on shooting days its just flat crowded. And it just smells like hell."

The landlord, Henry Cesspool, known to everyone as Old Shithead, occupies the farmhouse and provides a father-figure to everyone. According to most of the people we talked to, Cesspool is often intoxicated, and always confrontational. He keeps a loaded shotgun by the door and is quick to use it.

"He's out of his goddam gourd is what he is," said Billybob Hacksaw, ASC. "Son-of-a-bitch nearly took my ass off with that damn thing."

Lead hog strangler Jeremiah Dorsalfin expressed other concerns. "Gettin' a hog to squeal ain't easy as it looks," said 19-year-old Dorsalfin. "I been working here three weeks, and nearly got blisters all over my thighs."

Already the rats appear to be fleeing the ship. We were unable to reach two out of the three executive producers at Le Cou Rouge. Producer Stowe was rumored to be in China, and Evans claimed that his "producer" title was really just a typo. He claimed he just knew some people who worked at the studio. We were finally able to reach the only remaining "producer," Glarn Blanson, after we posed as a teenage girl looking for an acting job.

Blanson claimed that he was unaware of the workers' complaints. "I've never heard anyone have anything negative to say about their experience here at Le Cou Rouge," said Blanson, "other than the guy who puked himself to death when he accidentally saw one of our films. At Le Cou Rouge, we take pride in our employees, and never exploit them more than necessary."

An investigation of Le Cou Rouge by the North Carolina SBI is pending its own investigation.